As anybody who believes in the power of prayer can attest, answers to prayer often don't come how or when we expect. And often when I do recognize these answers I don't take the time to write them down, but I want to this time.
Because even though these answers could be waved away as coincidence or too trivial for God to have bothered helping orchestrate, I feel differently. I believe that the subtle ways he has succored me over the last few days particularly have been exactly the way a loving parent would show their love for their child.
Gently.
Personally.
Without expectation of anything in return.
It has been years that we have pled for various things throughout this adoption process. Nine days ago we did something we have done only one other time in this adoption process - we emailed family and friends and asked them to join us in prayer for miracles in our adoption process. Despite reassurances that there weren't plans for Haiti to close their borders to the U.S. very soon, my fears were realized just 3 days later as just that happened. We had just begun to see amazing things happening in the last stages of the girls' paperwork and became hopeful that the answer we were looking for of our girls finally coming home was only days away to have that hope dashed. Honestly it shattered my heart for a bit. Not my faith that the Lord loves me or that He is watching over our girls. Not that I didn't know that my girls will come home, but that the answer wasn't what I was aching for and I didn't know if I was strong enough to keep doing this long, worrisome wait. Not that there is another option.
And the truth is... I'm not strong enough by myself. But He has met me where I am, amidst my shortcomings, and supported me.
The answers to my prayers recently have come in ways that have felt so tender to me. I think the hyper-awareness that these are blessings from Him are part of the answer to my prayers:
- Noticing less weight to the tangible heaviness in my heart. Not that I don't worry still, or miss my girls... but I can feel a physical and emotional weight that has been so much less heavy.
- More affection between my boys that are often not that way with one another.
- A husband who genuinely looks for ways that he can step in and take over whatever is needed at home or with our boys. Even more than he normally does. Without complaining.
- Texts and messages that someone is praying for me.
- A package in the mail from a dear friend.
- Hearing the ways someone I haven't met is advocating on our behalf on the other side of the country for us well after her shift is over. More than once.
- A thoughtful gift from my parents that offers a visual reminder that this will all work out.
- A FaceTime call from our adoption facilitator at a time that I thought everything was too much to bear. And her being available to answer my many, many texts recently.
- People reaching out offering connections to those that may be able to advocate for us.
- Hearing of immense efforts of those working on our behalf in Haiti despite the huge struggles going on there.
- A friend dropping off my favorite drink on the porch.
- Another adoptive mama sending me beautiful article to read and offering prayers and solidarity.
- Sleeping through the night without diabetes issues. More than once.
- Just an awareness of increased gratitude for what I already have.
- A friend sending me a song that she thought might touch my heart.
- With cancelling all of our activities we have more time. More time to be together as a family.
These are some of the answers I have seen to my prayers (and the prayers of so many people on our behalf). I don't mean to say that the Lord is done blessing us, or that we aren't continuing to ask Him to protect our girls or bring them home...
I am simply saying that one of the answers that I am seeing from a loving Heavenly Father is the clarity I have that He hears me. I know He does. It's the awareness of the blessings being poured out over me that are as much of a blessing as those things being offered.
When someone else is extending their love right now, I also feel His love. I truly do. And that right there is the mysterious way that I wasn't expecting to have my prayers answered.
...................................................................................................................................................................
On a separate note, in case anyone is actually reading these posts looking for updates...Nathan was going to be bringing the girls to the immigration office today, but he's going to be doing it tomorrow. Hopefully it will be open and that they can get Abigaelle/Eleanor's passport!
No comments:
Post a Comment