One hand

Things have been super crazy around here. It's hard for me to harness all my nervous energy that I'm using to get things done and slow down enough to sit down and write right now, but I want to at least post something amidst all this wonderful chaos!

I can count on one hand how many days until I get to hold our girls! One hand! Our travel dates were approved by IBESR and our flights begin this Sunday (in 4 days)...and we arrive the next day, so on Monday, in Haiti!

Last weekend I was in New Orleans (from Tours-Sunday) with Mark and my friend Sydnie. We had the trip planned long before our referral because Mark was attending a work conference for an organization where he sits on the board. Even though it wasn't great timing with everything we had to get done we didn't want to cancel (plus our flights were expensive)! It was such a fun long weekend. There was a lot of emailing back and forth about adoption stuff while we were there though, including booking our flights to Haiti.

On Friday I realized that I misunderstood the process for getting travel approval from IBESR. Amidst the shuffle of emails and documents I received I missed the information that I was supposed to edit a travel request document and have it notarized. Somehow I thought that requesting our dates from IBESR was something Chareyl took care of once we had approval from our orphanage. Anyway! Once we found out we immediately headed out in the rain back to the hotel where we edited the document.

Once the document was done Mark went to the guest's office to print the document, but their printer wasn't working. He ended up getting someone at the concierge to help him with it. We then found a place with a notary that was open (some were closed on Fridays) and hurried to where that was located. We arrived there only to find out that I left my ID in my other jacket...so Mark ran back out into the rain all the way back to the hotel to get it. We eventually got the document notarized and headed back to the hotel to scan it in. Of course the scanner in the office didn't work...then they couldn't get the one at the concierge to work either. Thankfully they took us to an executive office where they got it to work, but it wouldn't show up in my email. Finally we figured out they had entered my email address in wrong (missed a letter). Whew! Finally we had the document and sent it off to Chareyl who had to juggle a lot on her end I'm sure also to get it to her rep while she was out in the countryside of Haiti herself managing a volunteer group.

Everything worked out alright, but we are also concerned about a planned demonstration for the day we arrive. We're hopeful our driver can pick us up quickly and get us out of Port au Prince by going around the demonstration sites and get us up to Kenscoff. There is the possibility that if things get out of hand we could get stuck in Florida for another night, but we'll see.

Yesterday I also mailed a cashier's check off to our orphanage to pay for our guest house stay and our transportation.

This is really happening! Now back to paperwork, packing, immunizations...

So glad I know their faces

I just wanted to drop a line to say that while I am anxious to get travel dates so we can book our flights to go meet our little girls...I am so very grateful that I know their little faces. That I know where they are and who is caring for them.

I'm grateful that right now before I fall asleep I can look at their pictures and finally know who this last part of my heart belongs to that has already not belonged to me for so many years.

I love them so much already. And I did before I ever saw their picture. Oh how wonderful it is going to be to actually be able to HOLD them!!!

Shopping and our acceptance letter

Since the twins are at an orphanage in the mountains I needed to go get some leggings, long sleeved shirts and warmer pajamas to send them. It actually gets down into the 50's at night time there this time of year (and it's humid). I was also able to do a little shopping for someone in Haiti that Chareyl knows too. Girl shopping is fun!!

I managed to fit a few outfits for each twin, pajamas and a cardigan each into 2 ziplock baggies! I thought that was pretty good! I dropped them off to Chareyl last night. She leaves for Haiti tomorrow! It makes me so happy that she'll be able to bring these things for our girls!

The other update is that we got our English translation for our referral documents (about 27 pages long). We spent a long time today going over those, trying to understand everything and then finishing our acceptance letter and getting it notarized! Here we are getting it notarized!...

I scanned in and sent that acceptance letter and one other document to Chareyl today and we're excited to hear from the orphanage to pin down travel dates now!

It happened!!! It really happened!!!!!

I'll start at the end of this story first...we received our official referral for our twin girls today!!! We know their names, their birthday, and have a whole bunch of other information that hasn't been translated yet! Some of the big questions we have won't be answered for a few days since it's a 4 day weekend with the holiday this weekend...but in the meantime we are so over the moon!  Let me document how things went down today.

After hearing yesterday that IBESR had received the document it requested on Monday a tiny part of me was really hopeful that we could get a referral today, but I hardly dared give that thought any attention let alone mutter those words out loud. Thursday and Friday are a holiday in Haiti so I knew it was likely that we wouldn't hear anything sooner than next week - assuming that the document was in order and they were satisfied with it (and if not that could have led to long delays having it redone).

So! Today was Halloween. Anyone who knows me is aware that I am a huge fan of Halloween. It's my favorite holiday. So it was so appropriate to me to get this long awaited news today of all days. I was at the elementary school for Max's costume parade and class party. My mom came also, but we found out that the parade she came to watch happened earlier that day, so she decided that she'd walk by her other grandkids' classrooms and then be on her way. I went in to help with the party and dose Max insulin for any snacks they were having at the party. About 5-10 minutes into things I was looking at my phone to manage Max's numbers and saw a text from Chareyl come across my screen. It said:

"It's your best Halloween! I am just getting home but got a message from Nisthone that he just sent me your referral packets. A____ and A____ born September 22, 2016. I'll be sending to translator and to you soon!"

I gasped and dropped what I was doing and instinctively ran out into the hallway. I was trying to hold back happy tears and half hyperventilating and ran right out the door into my mom that was still at the school after saying hello to her other grandkids! She immediately got all worried and quickly asked what was wrong (thinking I was upset). I told her that we got our referral and she was so excited...and wanted to see the text for herself. I had her video me trying to FaceTime Mark, but he didn't answer. I was so overwhelmed, emotional, happy and couldn't think straight.

I began to get texts from Mark saying he had a really bad headache so I offered to bring him something and he asked for Excedrin. At this point I realized that I had forgotten about Noah who was just getting out of school, so my mom drove over to pick him up. Before going back in to finish Max's party I FaceTimed my dear friend Sarah to tell her the news. I was so emotional and excited and trying to hold it together.

When I went back into Max's classroom I went over to the game of musical chairs he was playing and when he got out I couldn't contain things...I called him over to me and whispered to him, "We got our referral! We got the referral for the twins!" He was really excited and just kept saying over and over how happy he was. Then I snapped this picture with Max to remember that moment.

I asked Max not to tell his brothers and then after school was out I told them myself right away! Then my mom took Noah and Lincoln and dropped them off at home while I took Max with me to tell Mark!

I did bring Mark Excedrin, but Max and I also had an elaborate plan of how Max would video me telling Mark about the referral and when it came down to it...as soon as he was filming I just blurted it out. Mark managed to stay calm and see 3 more patients while I about crawled out of my seat waiting to open it with him!

We already received the huge news about being matched to twins, who they were, how old, and what orphanage they're at (things you normally find out with referral) so the thrill with this was knowing that it's official. The photos that were included were older black and white copies of photos, so we're anxious for more updated photos! We did find out their names though which was exciting. I'm not going to type them here as I don't think we should share any specific information about them or pictures of them until the adoption is finalized.

I still feel elated though. It's after midnight and I should definitely be sleeping, but after we finished at   Mark's office we sped home and immediately jumped straight into costumes and trick or treating! I haven't had enough time to digest our big news! I just got online and announced it on the Adopting from Haiti page and joined the facebook page for families adopting from our agency.

Chareyl has emailed me several things we need to get going on, but we can't do anything regarding solidifying travel dates until we can coordinate with both the orphanage and IBESR so that won't happen until after the holiday weekend. There is paperwork I can't get going on tomorrow when I have slept and have a clearer head though.

Honestly my head is so foggy right now. I just didn't want to wait even one day to document this. I feel so overwhelmed with gratitude. So excited to be able to move forward to the next step of this journey. We started this adoption journey over 6 years ago. Six years. In 6 weeks we'll have been in process with Haiti for 4 of those years. We still have about another year to go, but we are so excited to know who our children are! Where they are! To know that we'll be able to hold them in a few short weeks!! I feel so, so grateful.

Baby updates (do you see what I did there?)

So, just a couple little updates...

Mark and I had to update our fingerprints (yes, again) for our background checks. We couldn't line up our schedules last week so I did mine on Tuesday and Mark did his on Thursday (the only 2 days our police department offers fingerprinting). I took the fingerprints and filled out paperwork up to the agency on Thursday (10/25) and checked that off my list. It was fun to have someone in the office congratulate me on our match to the twins.

I've been able to find some pictures of the twins on social media. Chances 4 Children has social media pages that I've been able to scour and collect screenshots of them into an iPhoto album to save. I love looking at their little faces throughout the day and before I go to bed at night. The boys have also loved seeing some more recent pictures than the baby pictures we had from last October!

I bought some baby clothes. Retail therapy? Maybe. In any case I wanted to have some summer clothes to take to the orphanage to leave there and there were some great clearance sales to shop summer stuff since it's October...so I had to right?? Anyway, I snapped one photo of an outfit while I was unboxing stuff and am including it here because today I was able to take it (and one other outfit) to Chareyl to take our girls!

I was bringing Chareyl a letter and picture to take to Nelie Chery (we sponsor her education in Haiti) for her Haitian Roots trip that she leaves on this week. I figured that I would see if it was ok for her to take a couple outfits to the twins along with a couple photos of us. She said that she would, and that made me so very happy! She will try to get to the orphanage itself, but if not then she will be meeting with a representative from the orphanage that she will give it to for us. It feels so good to be able to not only buy something for them...but to also be able to send it to them to wear!! Oh how I would love to be able to see a picture of them wearing those clothes...or see them wearing them in person soon!!! Which leads me to my last bit of news...

Chareyl said that the document IBESR was waiting on from the orphanage got to them yesterday (October 29th)! Wahoooo! There is a holiday in Haiti Thursday and Friday so they are basically out of the office for the rest of the week (All Saints Day and All Souls Day...kind of like Day of the Dead for Vudoo), but she is optimistic that we could get our referral next week while she is in Haiti! She also said that she would communicate with the orphanage about us hoping to be able to travel over Thanksgiving. How wonderful would that be??

Fingers crossed and sending prayers up that we get our official referral soon so we can start making plans to go meet these two sweet little pumpkins.

How to share the news??

I wanted to dedicate a separate post just to describing how we shared our exciting news of TWINS!!!

While we were actively praying for the blessing of our payment request, and we knew that news would confirm whether there were 1 or 2 children, I was preparing my hear that it was likely one (and I had been praying specifically that if that were the case I would feel the confirmation that this was our child and wouldn't feel any disappointment at there not being a twin)...and we didn't think we'd get any other information at the payment request that just that. Since it was a sibling group they legally fall under a "special needs" adoption category so Chareyl was able to advocate for us to be matched to them specifically, and could thereby tell you who they were once we received our match and payment request.

So! We ended up not only with a payment request but also with news of twins! That it was two girls! What orphanage they are at! And that it was the specific twins I'd seen a picture of and asked about a year ago! Lots of news that we didn't expect.

When I got off the phone with Chareyl I was flooded with adrenaline. I wanted to tell Mark right away, but tried to quickly think of some sort of fun way to share the news with him. I jumped in the car and sped to our nearby craft store where I bought two little pumpkins (appropriate for this season and I also think the term pumpkin' is adorable for a little child). Then I chose two different "It's a Girl" helium balloons and attached them to the pumpkins. I sped to Mark's office with the said items in big white bags. He actually called me while I was en route so I came up with some excuse that I was headed to Harmons near his work and since he happened to be on his lunch maybe I'd stop by and show him something a neighbor dropped off as I was leaving (it was the best I could come up with on the spot).

So, I tried to keep my cool when I got there and told him that a neighbor dropped something funny off and it would be more amusing if I could set it up on his desk and have him come in and see it. He bought it and left his office. I locked the door quietly for good measure and set everything up. When he came in I was filming his response with my phone which threw him off, but he saw the balloons and said, "Really?" (meaning did the payment request really come?). I told him yes and kept filming waiting for it to sink in that there were TWO balloons and TWO pumpkins. I caught him too off guard and so did the fact that he was being filmed. I told him to look closer at what was on the desk. He began examining the balloons and the pumpkins until I finally blurted out that, "There are TWO!"

Mark was in shock for a bit, then we hugged and got a little emotional and then Mark just couldn't wrap his mind around it. It was a lot of fun for me.

When it came to telling the boys, we originally thought we wanted to keep the news a secret from most everyone (which obviously means you can't tell the kids) until we got the official referral, but we quickly realized that wasn't going to happen. We worried they'd overhear us talking, or it would slip, or one of the couple people we wanted to tell would say something in front of their kid on accident...so we decided to tell the boys.

We did tell the boys right away that we got our payment request and that meant our referral should be coming soon (they would have picked up on the buzz at our house anyway). Then we said we wanted to have a family meeting about the adoption to talk about it and answer any questions. I bought two little beanie-boo soft toy unicorns and put them in a gift bag. 

We told them we wanted to get a little something for their sister that they could give to her someday and remember this exciting week for our family. Then we let them open it. There were two unicorns, but it didn't mean anything to them. After about a minute of coaxing we got more direct in our questioning and here is how that went:

So much fun!

I had the idea of telling a few close friends and family members of our news by giving them items that were in twos and letting them figure it out (that was fun). I was able to get clips of most people's responses so I'm going to compile a short one second video compilation of them and I'll include it here when it is done. What a fun, joyous thing to have people excited and happy to celebrate in our good news with us!

Now, if we can just get that referral so we can go meet our girls! Chareyl did tell us on Thursday (October 18th) that she has the receipt from IBESR for receiving and logging our payment, but that they requested one more document from the orphanage. (Bummer, but I'm glad they are being thorough) Luckily the orphanage said they have it, so we are praying they will get it to them quickly and there won't be any major delays in issuing our referral so we can travel in November!!

Sometimes when you pray for a miracle...

Two days after I wrote my last blog post (so on October 11th) we got the exciting news that IBESR issued our payment request!! Falling quickly on the heels of the good news of our approved match this was very exciting!  I wanted to share how things unfolded that day. Even though it feels cemented in my mind now, I want to make sure it stays that way.

After dropping my kids off at school that Thursday morning I became fixated on changing Chareyl's ringtone in my phone. I had the idea the night before of making her ringtone the Hallelujah chorus, but hadn't been able to figure it out. It felt like a triumph for me when I was able to successfully figure out how to modify that song file to use it as a ringtone. I smiled to myself as I imagined the day I would hear that song ring out as from the heavens precluding long awaited news (Chareyl doesn't usually call, she usually emails or texts, so a call would be something which warranted such an appropriate prelude).

I proceeded that morning with getting several things done around the house and found myself feeling increasingly impatient and emotional. I found myself putting away laundry in my closet and in an effort to sooth my soul I began to pray out loud. I asked for comfort. I thanked my Father in Heaven for the tender mercies we had recently been blessed with and for the abundance we enjoy in our lives. Then I pled with Him outlining specific things I was doing that I felt He had asked of me. And then I petitioned him that PLEASE could we get our payment request soon?

I proceeded to pray that I trusted that His hand was guiding this adoption, but that I felt so weak and that it would really help me just to know if this match was for 1 or 2 children (we would be able to tell because the fee would be doubled). I reminded Him that before we started this adoption journey 6 years ago that we had really prayed about whether to list 1 or 2 children on our parameters. I was ok with either one, but just wanted a clear answer on which was right for us so I could imagine and prepare for that. If we had the confirmation that it should only be 1 child we would have been good with that, if we received the answer that it should be 2 we knew the wait could be longer but we would accept that also. So, we prayed about both options...and the answer we got was that we should list the paperwork as being open to either one and leave it in His hands. Frankly, I wasn't crazy about that. I very much prefer to be able to have control over things. To control the variables. To limit unknowns. None of these things lend themselves well to an adoption journey. Just saying.

We did feel strongly that we should leave our parameters open to 1 child or 2 children of the same age parameters - knowing that meant one child or twins, and that twins were unlikely (and even more unlikely with younger age parameters that we had). Even as we increased our age parameters 3 times over the entire process, we continued to feel like we needed to leave that open to either 1 or 2. We continued to be told how unlikely it would be for us to get twins, and I told VERY few people that we had even left our parameters open to that. I didn't want people to think that we would be disappointed if we were indeed matched with a single child. And, embarrassingly, I was even a tiny bit worried about "jinxing" things (I secretly really wanted twins). Both times that we were pregnant (each time by in-vetro fertilization) I lost a twin very early in the pregnancy. I always felt like I was going to have twins, but I didn't know if that was just because I knew the odds were high playing the fertility game...or if most women felt the fascination with having twins that I did. I didn't want to have twins for the novelty of it though...that feeling of that I simply would have twins has just been there for well over a dozen years of my life. The real reason I felt a desire to have 2 children if that was right for us was so that our daughter would have a sibling that shared her ethnicity and heritage with her. She will look so different that our family and our community. And while WE may not always remember to notice that difference I know that she will feel it. I love the idea of her having someone else that can share in those feelings with her and relate to them. I know having a sibling won't change or erase that experience, but it does offer camaraderie in it that I as a white mother won't be able to offer.

So! After all these years of trying to trust where we were led - beginning with choosing an agency and country to adopt from, choosing parameters we felt were right...to changing countries & agencies and changing age parameters. We tried to be prayerful and trusting in each stage even though some of those changes were painful...we trusted that it was all part of a bigger plan. At this point I was just so weary of not having answers to what that bigger plan was. I ached for information! And so I proceeded with my prayer petitioning for that payment request, primarily so I could know if we would complete or family with 1 or 2 more children.

After finishing my prayer I noticed how emotionally drained I felt. But I felt more calm. I felt like after offering that prayer there was nothing more I could do than submit myself to His will and timing. And then...as cliche as it sounds, it was less than 2 minutes after finishing my prayer the Hallelujah chorus began to peal from my phone next to me! I kid you not! I remember kind of snickering at the timing of it all, and saying "Thank you!" out loud (sending that upward).

I tried to wait for a moment just to savor hearing that song like I pictured hearing it when getting this call and then I grabbed my phone. I was shaking. I answered the phone and tried to sound calm (somehow I doubt that I actually did). Chareyl asked me how I was doing. I told her that depended on what she was about to say. She didn't beat around the bush at all. She said, "Well today is the day you have been waiting for. You are the proud mom to 2 year old twin baby girls!"

I literally lost it. I fell to my knees sobbing.

I must not be the only client that has responded this way because Chareyl was so patient with me. Once I managed to compose myself we went about having a conversation about our match. At this point I was so flooded with adrenalin that I can't remember a lot of what was said. I remember that she told me that I knew who the twins were (I'll tell that story in a minute) and that the twins were at an orphanage called Chances For Children. I recognized the name Kathi Juntunen from the documentary Stuck that we own. Chareyl told me that the orphanage is in a city called Kenscoff in the mountains of Haiti and is a wonderful, smaller orphanage with a guest house right across the street. I felt overjoyed and felt that itself was an answer to years of prayers that our child/children would be well loved and cared for (which is simply logistically more difficult to do in a larger orphanage with more strained child to caregiver ratios). After our phone call I went online to read that the orphanage has about 40 children alongside a full-time live in nurse, 32 full time caregivers, and 4 part time caregivers! Amazing! She told me that she felt like I'd be a great match for this orphanage too because they are well organized and give regular updates (with pictures) of the kids while we are waiting to finalize!

Let me tell you the story about the first time I saw the twins' faces! Last October (so Oct 2017) I was intently following pictures posted by people from the Haitian Roots trip. Besides my interest in the school itself I also always love to scour the pictures of children at the orphanage wondering if any of the young girls could be our child! My friend Natalie knows that I do that and mentioned to me that a fitness instructor that she follows on Instagram was on the Haitian Roots trip and I should follow her and check out her pictures. So, of course I did!

Later Haitian Roots posted a video montage of pictures from the trip and in included a picture of said fitness instructor and her husband (which I recognized from following her on Instagram) holding two sleeping babies. I assumed they were girls, but you never know what the orphanage will have available to put on a child. One was in pink and the other was wearing yellow. I could only see the back of the head of one and the face of the other, but they looked so perfect and sweet and peaceful and my heart practically leapt out of my chest. I took a screenshot of the photo and showed a bunch of my friends. (It was actually a little tricky to time a screenshot a photo in a video montage, but I was motivated) I sent it to Mark and asked if he thought they could be twins. He cautioned me not to get my heart all wrapped up in stuff like that, but I couldn't help it.

On November 6, 2017 I proceeded to email Chareyl, attach the photo of the twins, and ask her if she knew anything about them...and if she thought our odds were greater or less than 50% of getting twins and a bunch of other questions about twins. I will tell you about Chareyl's response, but first! In the meantime...

I got a Facebook message out of the blue that same day from my cousin Lauren. She was asking me some questions about my hair from my Halloween costume and then happened to mention that one of her good friends was on a trip with Haitian Roots and was posting all about it and she kept thinking about me. Can you see where this is going???

So! I ask my cousin who her friend is that is in Haiti and while waiting for her to respond look at her friend list and see that BreeAnna Cox (the same fitness instructor) is one of her friends. She responded that BreeAnna was the friend she was talking about and told me I should look her up on Instagram. I told her that another friend of mine had just tipped me off to that...and then I sent her the screenshot that I send Chareyl. I asked if she would mind asking BreeAnna if those babies were twins and if she knew anything about them. My cousin did and messaged me right back saying that yes they were twin girls, but that they were already in the process of being adopted.

In the meantime Chareyl responded to my prior email from that day saying that she had "no information on the twin girls" and that it "is difficult to get twins or siblings in the age range that you are requesting". She shut that down fast. It was totally necessary too, but I still felt so drawn to these girls that over the last year I would periodically pull that picture back up on my phone just to look at it and imagine. Little did I know that those little girls who were "already in the process of being adopted" were in fact in the process of being adopted by us!! We just didn't know it yet!...and Chareyl simply could not say anything to us, even though she was already advocating for us to receive a match of those little girls.

Chareyl was the one who had taken that photo I saw a year ago of BreeAnna & her husband holding the girls. After we got our payment request she sent it to me along with 4 other pictures taken from that same day. Noah noticed that they were actually live photos so we could hear the talking going on and Chareyl said in one of them "Sorry, guys...I love you too, but I'm really hoping to get these twins (meaning for us) so I want to get pictures".

It has truly been amusing and humbling to look back in retrospect and see how everything has come together. Not only has God answered our prayers in a big way with the blessing of being matched to these sweet twin sisters...but He has also blessed us with increased faith in Him and reliance in His perfect plan for us. He asked us to stick with this even when it was long, difficult, and taking unexpected paths (changing countries/agencies). He reminded us to turn to Him for comfort. He stretched me until I literally didn't know if I could take it anymore and then made it very apparent to me to correlate faith and prayers with specific, clear testimony building answers to those prayers.

• There is no way you could convince me that it was a coincidence that Chareyl's text (about the judge signing the documents and sending the file to IBESR) would appear right after I followed promptings to reach out to others for prayers and being blessed with such a powerful connected prayer with Him myself.
• There is no way you could convince me that it was a coincidence that I happened to see that picture of the girls flash across a video montage and feel immediately emotionally connected to them...and  to then feel drawn back to that picture for a year until finding out those girls were meant to become part of our family.
• There is no way you could convince me that it's a coincidence that after pouring out my heart in prayer for our payment request so we could know if there were 1 or 2 children, that only moments later the Hallelujah chorus would fill my ears and the desire of my hear would be given to me.
• There is no way you could convince me that it was coincidence that the heartbreak we endured with losing $16,000 and 2 years invested in an adoption didn't set the stage for criteria in choosing our next adoption agency differently...and that this wasn't necessary for the right timing and the right person (Chareyl) to be facilitating our adoption to line things up with these 2 precious little souls to be joining our family. It was. I'm absolutely convinced of that.
• There is no way you could convince me that it wasn't necessary for me to relinquish control of choosing one of the most important parameters of our adoption, in order for me to exhibit enough faith to have it actually come to fruition.
• There is no way you could convince me that these two precious little girls, who I have yet to see in person or hold in my arms, are any less meant to be mine than the 3 beautiful boys we've already been blessed with. I love them. And I think my heart recognized them the first time that I saw that picture.

I want to wrap up this post with something that Chareyl wrote to me last year when responding to my email about the twins. It was exactly what I needed to hear:

"Holly, you have been on a long journey and the Lord has guided you. I don't think it is by accident that you ended up at Wasatch as one of my clients. I know that the Lord guided your path, so I believe for sure HE will guide the rest of the process, and I promise you that I will continue to advocate for you until you are matched with a child or children."

One of the things that I remember clearly from my recent phone conversation after finding out about match with twins was Chareyl saying, "Holly the Lord has moved mountains for you to be matched to these girls". I am so grateful. I'm grateful for all the hard work of Chareyl and Nisthone (her rep in Haiti), but most of all for the tender mercies and blessings of a loving Father in Heaven.

I know we have a long journey ahead of us to get these girls home. (Let's start with the official referral so we can go meet them!) So, I hope that I will be able to come back and read this post and feel the spirit that burns with gratitude and faith in my heart right now. I am so grateful. And while I am weak and impatient at times, I do believe that He is orchestrating all of this perfectly and I love Him so much.

"Sometimes when you pray for a miracle...God gives you two."

Personal answers to prayers

I was reading my scriptures this morning and read something that gave me the impression that I needed to write down some of my experiences from the last week. I hesitated to put them here initially for two reasons. First, because sharing spiritual things is personal to me. And secondly because nothing is concrete yet and I don't want to put the cart before the horse. However! I realized that moving forward, once things are more sure, that I will have new feelings and experiences to share (that I may feel more confident sharing...or shouting from the rooftops). I feel like I need to record this now in order to preserve this part of our child's story and also to honor my Father in Heaven and rejoice in Him.

So! We have been aware for some time that our agency has been advocating for us to receive a specific match (no we have no information on the child). During the month of September we really ramped up our prayers as we knew that this match had to have a document fixed on their end to be paper ready and needed to also be signed off by the children's judge in Haiti.

While my kids always pray for their sister, last week I gave them more specifics about what we knew about this potential match our agency is advocating for us. I told them that I felt that we needed to pray specifically that if this is the child Heavenly Father intends for our family to please help the judge to sign the document and move the file on to IBESR.

On Tuesday (one week ago today) I kept feeling the impression all day that I needed to reach out to others to ask them to pray for us. I was resistant to do so because I've done this before. I don't want to seem like I'm trying to get attention, or that I'm ungrateful for all that I've been blessed with...but I kept having the nagging impression that I needed to do that. I even woke up in the middle of the night (I'm a VERY sound sleeper) thinking that I needed to be obedient and do that. So! First thing Wednesday morning I got the kids off to school and then immediately followed that impression and wrote a post for social media and sent a few texts off to close friends/family.

After finishing doing that I knelt down in my family room and poured my own heart out in prayer. Now I pray everyday. I know that God hears all my prayers, but I don't always FEEL Him hearing my prayers. This prayer was special. I felt such a connection. I felt HEARD. I was able to open up in prayer in a way that I haven't in a long time. I also prayed for Sarah that she would be able to get her referral soon and see her daughters face, and specifically for 2 other women I know who are waiting to bring their children home. My prayer felt cleansing. Refreshing. I felt His love. I had such an amazing confirmation that He loved me, and that His hand is guiding our adoption and watching over our child.

When I was done with my prayer I wiped away my tears, blew my nose a few times and eventually went to look at my phone. When I turned my phone on there was a text already waiting from Chareyl telling me that the judge had singed the papers, they had been submitted to IBESR for matching and that our rep was advocating for us to receive this match.

Of course I was over the moon about this amazing news, don't get me wrong. However, the timing of how things all went down served as such a solidifying confirmation to me that God was orchestrating all of this. He knew my heart, He heard my prayers and those of others praying alongside us and answered this way to signal this to me. It was exhilarating and humbling. I was so excited and grateful.

Before finishing up what I have to tell I'd like to share the post I put up on social media for documentation sake:

I have a prayer request - not to pray for me, but alongside me. I feel vulnerable to ask for this for two reasons: I don't want it to seem like I'm looking for attention or that I think I have the corner on the market for struggling (I know many people have much heavier burdens than I do, and there are bigger crises in the world than what I'm dealing with)...and secondly because I fear that I come across ungrateful (I know that I am blessed far beyond what I possibly deserve). 

That being said - I believe in the power of prayer. I have seen it work miracles in my life and in my own heart. I absolutely believe that it was collective prayers that brought our oldest child into our family years ago through the miracles that occurred prior to his adoption. So! I am hoping that those who feel so inclined would be willing to pray alongside our family for the child we are waiting to adopt. 

Today marks 6 years since we first started this journey. We still have a long way to go once Haiti presents us with a match, but we are so anxious for that to happen. While our paperwork has been done (and redone, and redone...) for some time now, children in Haiti also have paperwork that has to be complete before they are eligible to be matched to a family. We know that God knows who we should be matched to. He knows who will join our family. Our prayer is that she doesn't need to wait any longer than necessary, that her paperwork will be completed & a match issued to our family, and that in the meantime she will be well cared for and looked after. We pray specifically that signatures that are needed will happen and that those processing the paperwork will complete it.

Thank you to each of you who have supported us over the last several years of this process. I haven't posted often on social media about our adoption, but vent to my blog now and then (waitingforournextmiracle.blogspot.com) and always post any updates there. I posted this morning about the relevance of today for me. Feel free to read it if you'd like. 

We always welcome questions about our adoption, but reluctantly haven't had any progress to share. We hope that will change soon! Thank you in advance for your faith, prayers and continued support. We love this child already, even before knowing her face, and can't wait to be one step closer to her joining our family! ❤️

So that is what I shared. It's not that what I shared was anything impressive, but I feel like it weaves itself into the timing of our story and it reminds me to follow through on promptings that I'm given. I know that He already knew what I would do and was ready to bless me...especially with the opportunity to feel so close and connected to Him. 

After that we doubled down on our prayers that IBESR would approve our match. Just yesterday I received a text from Chareyl telling me not to freak (she knows me), but that the college of matching at IBESR has just approved us for the match they have been advocating for on our behalf! The next step is waiting for an official payment request from IBESR, which she is hoping we will have by the end of this week!!! I know that nothing is set in stone until they officially accept our payment and issue the match, but this is HUGE. We are so very grateful. Chareyl touched on how much has gone into this match and the God is moving mountains for us and I don't doubt it for one second. I can't wait until we officially have this match and we can be privy to hearing what some of those seen miracles are. And I don't doubt that there are many that will go unknown also. God is so good! I am so grateful. I share all of this to share our excitement and because I feel compelled to be complete in telling our story, but also to glorify Him.

So we are praying, praying, praying and looking forward with hope to the next step which will hopefully be very soon.

6 years ago today

As humans we seem compelled to measure time. We use watches and calendars, we celebrate dates like anniversaries and birthdays...and we either honor or distract ourselves from landmark dates that can be painful - like the date we lost a loved one. October 3rd is a strange date for me to recognize and brings mixed emotions.

Six years ago today we took our first concrete step in our current adoption journey. We had planned our whole marriage on pursuing international adoption of a child/children (long before we knew that we would have fertility issues ourselves). The decision of when to start down this specific road, and with what country, was a long journey itself...so when we had narrowed things down to a country and a specific agency, starting that journey was something exciting to be celebrated. We had no idea how long the road ahead of us would be...or how painful and unexpected some of the changes would be. Still it is all being interwoven perfectly by Him. I believe we are waiting to adopt from the right country for our family at the right time with the right agency. I believe that the rollercoaster we've been on has been purposeful and that there are many things (some seen, some unrecognized) that were necessary for us to learn...and that we continue to learn.

So! While today marks 6 years since we started this journey...and we still don't know our daughter's face. I simply cannot let the day go by without recognizing it. Partly in joy at being able to be so far along in this journey, and honestly... increasingly in sadness at how many years have gone by and that we still don't know her yet. It is sometimes overwhelming when I think about the road we still have to travel once we are matched (it will likely take somewhere in the ballpark of 9 months to a year to process all of her paperwork after we take our 15 day socialization trip to meet her).

The best way I have explained how I feel right now is that it's how I felt several years into our journey with infertility. We had been through so many medications, injections, surgeries and procedures...and we so desperately wanted to be pregnant. We knew that the 9 month journey once pregnant could be difficult, possibly painful or unpredictable - but we were ready to face that new challenge, and to have the hope that our child was on their way to us.

That is how I feel now. I feel like we have waited so long and been through so many painful and unexpected turns in this process...I know that the wait after we meet her will be a long, difficult, possibly painful and unpredictable - but we are ready to face that new challenge. I long to know that she is concretely on her journey to joining our family. I long to know her face. I long to hold her. I long to know her little personality and quirks. And I pray that next year when I am posting my 7 year post that it is full of information about bringing her home.

Here is a rundown of our journey by dates:
October 2012 turned in our first application to adopt from Ethiopia with AGCI
November 2014 required to terminate our adoption with AGCI (as they closed their program)
December 2014 we signed with Wasatch to adopt from Haiti
April 2015 new dossier complete
August 2015 officially entered IBESR in Haiti to wait to be matched to a child
***HOPING that I will be able to say October 2018 matched to our child!!!

And because I enjoy a trip down memory lane, here are the last three years' posts marking today:
5 years waiting
4 years waiting
3 years waiting

Age update approved

On August 20th we received our I800a update approval for our new age parameters. It was approved on August 14th. Chareyl actually emailed me on the 20th to say she'd received her copy of the approval and already sent it off to Haiti before I'd even gotten to our mailbox to see our own approval letter that day!

So! We're back to...just wait and pray. There isn't much else that we can do other than hope the referral Chareyl has been advocating for us goes through. I hope it's soon. I'm feeling so weary.

Tomorrow marks exactly 3 years since our file entered IBESR in Haiti. It's been more than 3 years 8 months since we signed on to adopt from Haiti with Wasatch. And we're only 5 weeks shy of hitting our 6 year mark since we started this entire adoption process. We did have 4 weeks between ending our adoption from Ethiopia and officially starting with Haiti, but this whole entire journey has gone on for nearly 6 years. And we don't even know who our daughter is yet! And then we likely have a  year long roller coaster to get her home once we do meet her. I truly am weary. Ready for the next stage. To see her face. To hold her. To have smaller steps in the journey to bringing her home.

Last night Lincoln (our 10 year old) started talking about things he may want to put on his wish list for Christmas. Then he switched gears and told me that there really are 3 things he really wants the most in life. He proceeded to tell me that in order of importance, what he wants the very most is for his sister to come home *melt* followed by a dog and then thirdly that he'd love a gaming system.

Praying this is our last pre-referral update!!!

Today we picked up our updated homestudy and overnighted it via FedEx to USCIS (immigration) to have our parameters officially changed to 3 years old (instead of up to 24 months). She'll likely be a year older that whatever age she is when we meet her once we finally bring her home. While this is still considered very young for an international adoption these days, this was a big change for us...but we feel good about things. We know that Chareyl and her rep in Haiti have been tirelessly advocating for us and there is a potential match that is close to referral that they are hoping will be matched to our family. We don't know anything about her, but we are so anxious to get our referral so we can see her sweet face. We are hopeful that we could get a payment request soon (since we know that the document in her file that needed to be fixed is complete)...and once a payment request is sent a referral should happen shortly thereafter. 

So! There was a brief minute there where we had something to DO that we had control over decisions, following up, double-checking paperwork (we've learned the hard way to do that, and I'm glad I did since we caught an error before submitting it)...now we're back to just waiting. And praying like crazy of course.

Here is a picture of Max and Lincoln after we picked up our amended homestudy. Max is pretty pleased with himself about the bunny ears.

We know there is a still a long road ahead, and there will be more papers to fill out...but we are sooo hopeful that we won't have to renew anything with our I800a yet again. Hopefully ever. I hope the next time we need to communicate with USCIS it is to apply for our I800 regarding our specific child's immigration application!

Blog-therapy

Honestly I don't have anything news-worthy to tell here, but sometimes it just helps me to write so I'll consider this a "blog-therapy" post.  Besides - it's been 5 months since I posted last, so I'm gonna ramble!

Last week we hit exactly 5 years and 9 months since we started our adoption process...and today makes exactly 3 years and 7 months since we started the process from Haiti (after changing from Ethiopia). Next month it will be 3 years since our file was formally accepted by IBESR (the Haitian government agency in charge of officially matching us to our child).

So! We have been stuck at the same stage waiting for a match for a very long time (only compounded by how long we were already waiting before having to start over). Renewing home studies, renewing fingerprints. Worrying through hurricane seasons...and various political unrest.

Which brings me to this month. It has been a rough week in Haiti the last week. After the Haitian government announced that there would be drastic increases in fuel costs (between 38-51% depending on the type) there were huge protests. The protests turned violent and even deadly. People were forced to shelter in place for days and all flights in and out of Haiti were even cancelled. I was so worried about the state of things there, what that meant for children at the orphanages (Did they have enough food available at the orphanage? What if a storm/flooding hit and contaminated the drinking water while they couldn't leave? Were the nannies safely at the orphanage with the children? What if a child needed medical attention?....etc, etc)

My mind became caught in a cycle of unproductive worry and hypotheticals. What if with UN forces having pulled out of Haiti they couldn't get the protests in control on their own? What if the people now angry with their government leads to long-term political unrest or a coup? And of course I worry about how all of this will delay or affect adoptions...will this further delay us meeting our daughter? Will the delays cause the child we are potentially be advocated for a match to (no I have zero information on this child) take so long that she'll age out of our approved age parameters?

I tried not to dwell too much on the news reports and violent images found in the media, but it is hard to glean information without seeing them either. Reports from people on the ground were grim at first, but over the last couple days we have been hearing more encouraging information about things slowly going more back to "normal" (with appropriate caution of course). Yesterday a girl I've been able to communicate with online (that actually went to high school with me) received her official adoption decree for her son!! If that's not miraculous, I don't know what is. For something that big to happen right on the tail of such turmoil in Haiti was so encouraging to see...and at the same time I want only that much more desperately to hear good news of our own. This girl is adopting through our same agency and entered IBESR just a couple months after we did...and they are at the final stages of bringing their little boy home in the next few months! It is wonderful and I'm so happy for them! The sting of wanting to be traveling that part of the journey ourselves alongside them feels so much more apparent to me right now though. 

I know we have such a long road still to travel after meeting our little girl, and that makes me all the more anxious to get going with that stage of the process. We have been waiting for so long to meet her. To see her face. To know anything at all about her. To even have the option of flying down to see her an hold her while we are waiting. To feel justified in getting her room ready and using her name.

I have felt this ache before. I have traveled this road and felt this yearning...just not for this long consecutively. Don't get me wrong - I'm grateful for the 3 children I've been blessed with, but our family is not complete and I just yearn to be to that point. To de-mystify things. To know her. To touch her little face. To have at least some answers. To be able to show people her picture. For her brothers to see her face!

I could go on and on about this aching, but let me at least say something I have been grateful for. The connection to people who are going through this process also. I cannot imagine not being able to reach out, ask questions, and connect to other mamas going through various stages of this process. To share in their worries and share in their joys. 

One way I recently have seen the hand of the Lord sustaining me in this process recently was through someone He has recently put in my life. At the beginning of the month the prayer list was updated (for those who have been waiting a long time for a referral) on the Adopting from Haiti FB page. For families waiting 26 months or longer in IBESR for a referral (we're at 35 months this month) they take off any families who received a referral the prior month and update the number of months waiting for other families. When I was looking through the list I got curious about families who were close to us in number of months waiting. I clicked on the profiles of a few families that have been waiting within 2-3 months longer or shorter than us and one caught my eye...when I peeked at one family's profile, their most recent post was asking if anyone had a spare iPhone that they could use for their son's CGM! We had just posted the same thing the week prior for Max. Say what?! Someone on this site who has also been waiting forever for a referral that ALSO has a child with T1D??! I fessed up to my facebook "stalking" and left her a comment saying that we also had a T1D and she quickly messaged back. Before long we had exchanged phone numbers and began to send each other Marco Polos (an app for video messages). Finding someone else who could relate to the 2 biggest stressors currently in my life (the long adoption process and T1D) was so amazing. It has been so amazing to get to know her, and uncanny how many similarities we seem to have (we even share the same birthday)! The support I have felt from being able to communicate with Sarah came at a time when I so desperately needed it. In fact, I don't know if I fully realized how much I needed it...but I know that He did, and I'm so grateful. We're praying that somehow we could be blessed to receive referrals for our little girls from the same orphanage so we could try and meet one another in Haiti since we live on opposite sides of our country. That would be so amazing. In the meantime, I'm so grateful to have each other to support one another during this sometimes agonizing wait...and to talk diabetes and life in general along the way.

The last thing I wanted to mention is that Chareyl has given very little information (which I understand that she can't say more), but that they have a match they have been advocating for us...and that there is just a document missing that needs to be fixed and then we could potentially be ready for a referral if IBESR approves it. That is a lot of ifs, but I am so hopeful that it will work out. There have been 2 other potential matches they have advocated for us that have fallen through, so who knows if this one will work out either, but I was feeling so optimistic about things happening soon...and then the protests/riots broke out in Haiti. I'm praying that if this is supposed to happen that the document will be provided so we can move forward with this match. 

This whole process is full of so much heartache, beauty, unknowns, waiting, faith, patience, impatience, hope, isolation, connection...the dissonance is dizzying sometimes. Sometimes I just feel like I'm riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. It can be exhilarating at times, but sometimes the coaster breaks down unpredictably for unknown amounts of time (and I feel stranded in the darkness waiting)...and when things are moving you can't see when the big drops are coming. I don't want off the ride, but I am anxious to have a peek from behind the blindfold for a bit to at least meet our daughter. Hopefully sooner than later. We'll see.

Treading water...with fingers and toes crossed.

First of all, I appreciated a text I received from Chareyl (our adoption facilitator) last week. She explained that while the fee increases for accreditation do seem exorbitant, that it doesn't look like agencies will be required to pay the collective fees upfront and they aren't in danger of closing. While I still take issue with the amount of increase in fees (as does she), as well as some of the other new accreditation requirements...I was very relieved to know that the potential impact on adoptions and our agency specifically won't be what my worst case scenario feared.

So, we'll continue slogging on through the unpredictable process like we have for over 5 years. Hoping for the murky waters to begin to clear for us as we approach the next stage of this journey. We may not be able to reach the ground right now (we're still wearily treading water)...but we know that any moment now our toes will touch sand beneath them and we'll be able to stand up in the water. While we'll still have much to wade through - the water there will be more clear and the shore will be in site. For now I'm holding on to that hope.

Chareyl is in Haiti right now. She does both humanitarian work with Haitian Roots and adoption work while she is there. Every time she is there I get extra hopeful and sentimental. Hopeful that we'll see movement as she follows up on our file. Sentimental that perhaps she (or one of the volunteers) might be holding or loving on our little girl, even unknowingly. I love watching their updates come across social media. I've grown to already love the country and people of Haiti so much over the years and long for my chance to go there...of course primarily to meet our child, but also to experience Haiti first hand.

I've written before about loving this child that we haven't met or even seen a picture of yet...I've also grown to love Haiti even though I haven't visited her yet. I've loved looking at pictures of her, trying to understand her struggles, reading about her history, admiring the strength and resilience of her people, and feeling excited about the potential brewing inside her. I have felt passionate about my ways to help her (through supporting education of her children). I've begun to try and understand her tongue and taste her food. I love her. And I can't wait to meet her.

Weary, worried, and wishing

Weary. We're well over 3 years into this Haitian adoption. It's been 30 months since we officially entered IBESR (the Haitian government entity that officially issues referrals/matches). And we're over 5 years since starting the adoption process (2 years were spent pursuing adoption from Ethiopia before that failed). It saddens me to know that once we finally meet our daughter that we still have up to another year before she can come home and complete our family. And knowing how far we still have to go after all these years, I am simply aching to move on to the next step of this journey. To see her face. To know how old she is. To find out anything about her. To hold her. I'm simply weary of waiting.

Worried. I could spend hours listing out all the things I've worried about regarding our adoption over the last 5 years and 4 months (not to mention all the worry and research that went into it prior to actually pulling the trigger and starting the process)! I'll just write about my worry right now though. 

The U.S. Department of State has implemented several new accreditation requirements (some of which are foolhardy in my opinion) for adoption agencies. The current accrediting entity were unable/unwilling to fulfill them. That accrediting entity has now been replaced by a new one that has implemented huge fee increases to agencies. There is a lot of fine print, and many things that simply haven't been explained. No contracts to agencies have been provided...yet they will be required to pay the new fee structure starting February 15th (yes, next week). From what I hear some smaller agencies will be able to pass the fees on to their clients and pay as they go, but larger agencies (like mine, apparently) would be required to estimate their number of adoptions based on the last 2 years and pay that amount up front...at a fee increase of 1,000%! Yes, that's not a typo. I read that they will require fees for 4 years at a time. Currently 4 years of accreditation costs our agency $24,000...with fee increases it will be around $240,000. How is this even possible?? 

Our agency did let us know about this and encouraged us to contact our representative and senators. In the process of drafting what I was going to say I called our agency's office to get specific numbers. I asked them if things aren't restructured with this fee what would happen, and they said that they wouldn't be able to continue facilitating international adoptions. It wouldn't be financially plausible. For them or many other agencies. Of course there is worry and concern about what that would mean for the big picture of international adoptions (and most importantly the children that would affect), but on a personal note...the idea of another huge hiccup in our adoption potentially looming in the near future. Possibly changing agencies again. Being so close (I sure hope!) to a referral and then being relegated to another agency, along with heavens knows how many other families, and lost in the mix...and waiting even longer. Or worse. I just can't. It's just so much worry. So many variables. 

I'm trying hard to focus on doing what I can do instead of idly worrying. I did a bunch of reading up on things, contacted my representative and both senators and really tried to plead my case and pass on information. I tried to put it out there on social media. I contacted a friend who is a reporter on one of the major news stations here to see if they would pick it up. I called a couple people that I knew would be personally invested in doing the same things that I am. And that's as much as I can do. Now I wait. And try not to let the worry eat me alive.

Wishing. I would be lying if I didn't admit that alongside the worry I also hold on to hope that good news could still squeak-in our way soon. Our adoption facilitator will be traveling to Haiti in 10 days. Good things always seem to happen after she travels there and follows up on things. I am hoping and praying that she comes back with news of our final payment request and that our referral will be only weeks behind that in March. 

I seem to always get my heart set on a hopeful date that we'll travel. So far they have always come and gone, but they help me keep looking forward. Like a runner that just has to make it to the stop sign down the street...and once they get to the stop sign they choose a new landmark that they focus on to keep running until...and on it goes. Right now my landmark is April. I am really hoping that we'll get a referral in March and be able to travel in April. Mark & I are so blessed to have a big trip in March (to celebrate by 40th birthday) with some good friends, and then I'm taking a cruise with my mom and grandma in Europe in May (and we're taking a family trip in June)...so April would squeeze right between those. It would be hectic, but at least the kids would still be in school so it would be less of a time burden for my mom and any others that help watch the boys while we're gone those 15 days.

So, my wish is for a referral next month and travel in April. That's my landmark that I feel like I'm running breathlessly for.

Remembering 8 years ago

My heart is heavy and I'm not in much of a writing mood, but I felt compelled to at least acknowledge that today marks 8 years since the big earthquake that killed hundreds of thousands of Haitians and misplaced millions. I wrote a more wordy post on this day last year, but for today I will just say that my heart goes out to all the Haitians that are remembering today with pain. While Haitians resilience is remarkable, this really was a horrific day in their history. I will be honoring the victims as well as the survivors with a minute of silence (and prayers in my case) at 4:53 as requested by the Haitian Embassy, which is the time that the earthquake struck. I also am looking forward to watching a live Facebook broadcast tonight by Williamson (with Arise Project for Humanity) as he recounts his experiences that day. You can't leave an interaction with him without feeling encouraged, so I am looking forward to hearing what he has to say.

No adoption news or feelings to share. Not today.

Next time

December was a difficult month. Several personal and family struggles made the already busy month physically and emotionally very challenging. For a good part of the month I hoped for a ray of hope to come from Haiti (in the form of good news). It did not. However with all the difficulties occupying our hearts and minds it did leave less time for sadness about not being able to finally hang an additional stocking on our mantle and worry about if our little girl was being held or fed on Christmas Day.

I am grateful that the holidays did offer glimpses of joy and magic that is only found at Christmastime. I truly am grateful for my family and for the memories we were able to create together over the holidays.

Today as I updated the kids photos in the entryway I looked at the spot reserved for our daughter by this Haiti print and realized that before the next time I replace these pictures a photo of her should already be there. That made me smile. Also, as a sidenote...I bought the metal trees you can see a little bit of in the corner of this photo a couple Christmases ago and they were made in Haiti. Metal art is popular there and I love my little trio of trees...

Another bright spot over the holidays was getting this card in the mail...

This cutie is Nelie Chery. We have the honor of sponsoring her education through Haitian Roots. The last 3 years we have been excited to receive a card around the holidays from her with an updated picture. She is so adorable and I look forward to when I will be able to meet her when we travel to Haiti someday. I'm sure her family is so proud of her!

Also, something else from Haitian Roots...they did a fundraiser where you could sponsor the painting of a flower on a mural the kids would paint at the school and put someone's name on it. We purchased a flower for each of kids and also one for Nelie. We liked the idea of her being able to see her name on the mural at school over the years as she attends there...and we thought it would be a fun gift idea for our boys to see their name on the mural's flowers too! You can see Noah's name on the orange flower in the bottom, center of this picture...

Obviously Max & Lincoln here...

And cute little Nelie...

I also opted to purchase many of our Christmas gifts this year from Haiti. I was so pleased with how beautiful they were and I love the idea of supporting artists there who are receiving a fair wage and helping to stimulate the economy in this country that I have yet to visit, but that my heart has already grown to love.

I am really hopeful that we will receive good news from Haiti soon. Somehow the passing of the holidays and the beginning of a new year has refreshed a bit of my optimism. Perhaps it is my conviction in being able to say that I am quite confident that this is the year we will meet our daughter...