Heart explosion

I received a video of the twins today from a sweet adoptive mama who was at the crèche today. My heart just about exploded just at seeing the notification that Leah sent me a video!!! Here it is:

People. Their smiles. Those matching outfits that we left for them on another visit. Hearing them say Manman (mama). I just can't.

I am here to tell you that your face can almost crack from smiling so hard with adoration AND you can sob with the ache of missing someone simultaneously.

I miss them so much, but my heart is over the moon to be able to see a video of them. To see them, hear them and know it is from today is the closest I ever get to feeling connected with them while we wait.

My heart really needed this today. I am so grateful.

I can't wait to be reunited with them soon and not have to say goodbye this time.

Mixed emotions and a bunch of ifs

So yesterday I got an update. It wasn't what I wanted to hear, but at least it was an actual update and not hypotheticals, right?

I have been hoping that we would receive the girls passports any day. It's been over 6 weeks since we exited MOI and passport application is normally done quite quickly after that, so we were hoping to have those and article 23 done any day. Well, yesterday we received copies of the girls' applications for passports. Not copies of their issued passports, just copies that the application had been done... and it was only dated the day prior (February 19th). I felt sad that we weren't as far along as I had hoped, but at least we had concrete confirmation of where we are in the process. Just having information goes a long way. Now we just pray that there aren't any paperwork issues or hang-ups in issuing their passports! And as an added bonus I got to see their cute faces! It's amazing how much alike they look!

While we are waiting for passports to be issued we just need our orphanage to provide supporting documents to our agency's rep so he can apply for our article 23. Once that is done we can issue paperwork for required medicals to be done. Hopefully that can be completed while we wait for passports because those are the three things needed to apply for visas to bring the girls home! (article 23, medicals & passports)

So, if everything went smoothly (which one can't hold their breath for in this process), and if passports only took the projected 2 weeks, and if we get the article 23 and medicals done while we wait for passports, and if their visas go quickly, and if it is safe to travel... IF all those things happen I'm thinking that we'll be bringing the girls home the second week of March? Time will tell...

More waiting and worrying

It's been nearly 2 weeks since I posted last and unfortunately I don't have any news on our girls' paperwork (passports, article 23, etc) or when we can bring them home.

Let's start with happy stuff first!
Last week I did get some pictures of the twins which was so wonderful. It made me happy-cry to see their little faces. Their hair is starting to grow back from being shaved and they are looking so much more grown up!! The picture in the matching striped outfits (which we brought for them on a prior visit, so that was fun to see them wearing them) was taken a couple of weeks before the other picture...and you can tell with the hair length. Evelyn is striking the same pose in both pictures which really cracked us up too...

Now the sad and worrisome stuff...

Four things.

1) A 3rd scheduled article 23 appointment was missed and not completed for the girls and we have received no verification if their passports have even been applied for.

2) There has been a sharp increase in numbers of kidnappings in Haiti. People are becoming more and more desperate and resorting to such measures. This makes me fearful.

3) There was also a fire 3 days ago in an orphanage in the same city where our girls live. 15 children perished in the fire. That hit really close to home and paralyzed me with worry and grief for a couple hours after hearing it, and has continued to weigh heavily on my heart. Not only did it hit close to home by situation and proximity, and broke my heart for those innocent children and traumatized caregivers...but things like that have always been a big fear for me for our girls. It took an hour and a half for firefighters to be able to respond and when they did they had very limited resources to fight the fire. Because of issues with their generator the orphanage had no electricity and had resorted to candles which started the fire. I can see how something like that would happen in Haiti, except in this case the tragedy is compounded by the fact that the non-profit running this orphanage had lost their license and continued to operate anyway and with (obviously) subpar resources despite the fact that the organization brought in millions in donations. This makes me furious and like I said compounds the tragedy since it would have been preventable if available resources had been properly allocated. Just so, so sad.

4) I just read tonight that police have set fire to stages for next weekend's Carnival celebration as part of their own protests. I can't imagine that will go over well and am bracing myself to see what tomorrow brings.

Chareyl said that she has been asking for answers about why the article 23 isn't taken care of and if passports have actually been applied for, but she hasn't received a response yet. She is wondering if there is possibly a paperwork issue they are working out, and that they will explain what had to be done in retrospect once it's finished instead of telling us upfront what needs to be done. It's the lack of information that makes me feel crazy though. I just wish I knew what was going on.

I just want to bring our little girls home.

Much to say about nothing

I'll start out with the ending... there isn't any new news since we exited MOI (which was 4 weeks ago yesterday).

Honestly, I was hopeful that finally exiting meant that we would have our passport quickly, we'd get our article 23 & medicals done while we waited for passports and when we got all of that our visas would happen shortly afterward and we would have had our girls home by now. Obviously that's not the case. Here's the short version of the story...

Due to a tragic personal situation in the life of one of our reps, things haven't been happening. Article 23 appointments have been missed and passports haven't been applied for. That was really hard to hear, but when put in context of the situation understandable. Interestingly enough I put this man's name on the prayer list at our temple 2 weeks ago prior to knowing about any of this. My prayer is that he and his family will feel comfort and support as they grieve and that he will be able to find the strength to do what he needs to at work to both support his family and to help the children at the orphanage in his care go home to families that are waiting for them.

Of course we miss our girls and are aching to have them home in our arms. It has been 5 months since we visited and otherwise we've normally visited every 2-3 months since meeting them for the first time. This has felt like forever. I know we've been very blessed to have been able to make those visits, but I feel worried that that we are taking steps back in our bonding process. We've made progress each visit and I had some break throughs in September, but then we just disappeared (from their perspective) for 5 months. That's a long time to a 3 year old. And I worry that it will complicate helping them feel secure during our attachment process and them feeling confident in it being permanent once it actually is. All we can do is pray that we get passports soon and I am very, very hopeful to have the girls home by the end of February.

All that being said, we are trying to make really good use of this time we have prior to the girls coming home. I took a girls' trip to Hawaii (which when we booked it I thought it was very likely that I'd have to miss out with how late it was booked). We've been fitting in lots of family and one-on-one activities with the boys (campouts, dates, skiing as a family, temple days, etc). Trying to fill their wells with lots of attention so when the hard work of bonding and attachment happens and a lot of attention goes to the girls that the boys aren't already starting out with an emotional-deficit, you know? In that vein...when we found out a few days ago that our passports weren't actually almost complete, but rather that they haven't been applied for - Mark and I decided to hurry and book a one-on-one trip for Lincoln and myself! (Yes, I'm spoiled). Here's the story on that:

When Noah was 11 years old I took him on a one-on-one vacation to Universal Studios Florida. It was awesome. Mark and I felt like doing a one-on-one trip with each child was important and doing it at that age right before going into junior high and all the changes that come with that would be a smart time. So, we told the other boys that for either their 11th or 12th birthdays we'd do the same thing for them. Now fast forward...

We received our official referral for the girls just before Lincoln's 11th birthday and left for Haiti 5 days after his birthday. So, obviously, no trip for him that year. Then we were hopeful that we'd be bringing the girls home by his birthday the next year so we didn't want to invest in planning anything ahead then either! So, he turned 12 almost 3 months ago now. With the new information of another little delay we decided to jump on planning that trip and he and I are going to Disney in 3 days! I am praying that we'll get good news while we are gone and the trip (especially amidst the crazy winter weather) is another welcome distraction to the hard wait here at the end of this journey.

So! Hopefully the next time I write on this blog it will be to say that we have passports and that we'll be bringing those two amazing little girls home soon!