After dropping my kids off at school that Thursday morning I became fixated on changing Chareyl's ringtone in my phone. I had the idea the night before of making her ringtone the Hallelujah chorus, but hadn't been able to figure it out. It felt like a triumph for me when I was able to successfully figure out how to modify that song file to use it as a ringtone. I smiled to myself as I imagined the day I would hear that song ring out as from the heavens precluding long awaited news (Chareyl doesn't usually call, she usually emails or texts, so a call would be something which warranted such an appropriate prelude).
I proceeded that morning with getting several things done around the house and found myself feeling increasingly impatient and emotional. I found myself putting away laundry in my closet and in an effort to sooth my soul I began to pray out loud. I asked for comfort. I thanked my Father in Heaven for the tender mercies we had recently been blessed with and for the abundance we enjoy in our lives. Then I pled with Him outlining specific things I was doing that I felt He had asked of me. And then I petitioned him that PLEASE could we get our payment request soon?
I proceeded to pray that I trusted that His hand was guiding this adoption, but that I felt so weak and that it would really help me just to know if this match was for 1 or 2 children (we would be able to tell because the fee would be doubled). I reminded Him that before we started this adoption journey 6 years ago that we had really prayed about whether to list 1 or 2 children on our parameters. I was ok with either one, but just wanted a clear answer on which was right for us so I could imagine and prepare for that. If we had the confirmation that it should only be 1 child we would have been good with that, if we received the answer that it should be 2 we knew the wait could be longer but we would accept that also. So, we prayed about both options...and the answer we got was that we should list the paperwork as being open to either one and leave it in His hands. Frankly, I wasn't crazy about that. I very much prefer to be able to have control over things. To control the variables. To limit unknowns. None of these things lend themselves well to an adoption journey. Just saying.
We did feel strongly that we should leave our parameters open to 1 child or 2 children of the same age parameters - knowing that meant one child or twins, and that twins were unlikely (and even more unlikely with younger age parameters that we had). Even as we increased our age parameters 3 times over the entire process, we continued to feel like we needed to leave that open to either 1 or 2. We continued to be told how unlikely it would be for us to get twins, and I told VERY few people that we had even left our parameters open to that. I didn't want people to think that we would be disappointed if we were indeed matched with a single child. And, embarrassingly, I was even a tiny bit worried about "jinxing" things (I secretly really wanted twins). Both times that we were pregnant (each time by in-vetro fertilization) I lost a twin very early in the pregnancy. I always felt like I was going to have twins, but I didn't know if that was just because I knew the odds were high playing the fertility game...or if most women felt the fascination with having twins that I did. I didn't want to have twins for the novelty of it though...that feeling of that I simply would have twins has just been there for well over a dozen years of my life. The real reason I felt a desire to have 2 children if that was right for us was so that our daughter would have a sibling that shared her ethnicity and heritage with her. She will look so different that our family and our community. And while WE may not always remember to notice that difference I know that she will feel it. I love the idea of her having someone else that can share in those feelings with her and relate to them. I know having a sibling won't change or erase that experience, but it does offer camaraderie in it that I as a white mother won't be able to offer.
So! After all these years of trying to trust where we were led - beginning with choosing an agency and country to adopt from, choosing parameters we felt were right...to changing countries & agencies and changing age parameters. We tried to be prayerful and trusting in each stage even though some of those changes were painful...we trusted that it was all part of a bigger plan. At this point I was just so weary of not having answers to what that bigger plan was. I ached for information! And so I proceeded with my prayer petitioning for that payment request, primarily so I could know if we would complete or family with 1 or 2 more children.
After finishing my prayer I noticed how emotionally drained I felt. But I felt more calm. I felt like after offering that prayer there was nothing more I could do than submit myself to His will and timing. And then...as cliche as it sounds, it was less than 2 minutes after finishing my prayer the Hallelujah chorus began to peal from my phone next to me! I kid you not! I remember kind of snickering at the timing of it all, and saying "Thank you!" out loud (sending that upward).
I tried to wait for a moment just to savor hearing that song like I pictured hearing it when getting this call and then I grabbed my phone. I was shaking. I answered the phone and tried to sound calm (somehow I doubt that I actually did). Chareyl asked me how I was doing. I told her that depended on what she was about to say. She didn't beat around the bush at all. She said, "Well today is the day you have been waiting for. You are the proud mom to 2 year old twin baby girls!"
I literally lost it. I fell to my knees sobbing.
I must not be the only client that has responded this way because Chareyl was so patient with me. Once I managed to compose myself we went about having a conversation about our match. At this point I was so flooded with adrenalin that I can't remember a lot of what was said. I remember that she told me that I knew who the twins were (I'll tell that story in a minute) and that the twins were at an orphanage called Chances For Children. I recognized the name Kathi Juntunen from the documentary Stuck that we own. Chareyl told me that the orphanage is in a city called Kenscoff in the mountains of Haiti and is a wonderful, smaller orphanage with a guest house right across the street. I felt overjoyed and felt that itself was an answer to years of prayers that our child/children would be well loved and cared for (which is simply logistically more difficult to do in a larger orphanage with more strained child to caregiver ratios). After our phone call I went online to read that the orphanage has about 40 children alongside a full-time live in nurse, 32 full time caregivers, and 4 part time caregivers! Amazing! She told me that she felt like I'd be a great match for this orphanage too because they are well organized and give regular updates (with pictures) of the kids while we are waiting to finalize!
Let me tell you the story about the first time I saw the twins' faces! Last October (so Oct 2017) I was intently following pictures posted by people from the Haitian Roots trip. Besides my interest in the school itself I also always love to scour the pictures of children at the orphanage wondering if any of the young girls could be our child! My friend Natalie knows that I do that and mentioned to me that a fitness instructor that she follows on Instagram was on the Haitian Roots trip and I should follow her and check out her pictures. So, of course I did!
Later Haitian Roots posted a video montage of pictures from the trip and in included a picture of said fitness instructor and her husband (which I recognized from following her on Instagram) holding two sleeping babies. I assumed they were girls, but you never know what the orphanage will have available to put on a child. One was in pink and the other was wearing yellow. I could only see the back of the head of one and the face of the other, but they looked so perfect and sweet and peaceful and my heart practically leapt out of my chest. I took a screenshot of the photo and showed a bunch of my friends. (It was actually a little tricky to time a screenshot a photo in a video montage, but I was motivated) I sent it to Mark and asked if he thought they could be twins. He cautioned me not to get my heart all wrapped up in stuff like that, but I couldn't help it.
On November 6, 2017 I proceeded to email Chareyl, attach the photo of the twins, and ask her if she knew anything about them...and if she thought our odds were greater or less than 50% of getting twins and a bunch of other questions about twins. I will tell you about Chareyl's response, but first! In the meantime...
I got a Facebook message out of the blue that same day from my cousin Lauren. She was asking me some questions about my hair from my Halloween costume and then happened to mention that one of her good friends was on a trip with Haitian Roots and was posting all about it and she kept thinking about me. Can you see where this is going???
So! I ask my cousin who her friend is that is in Haiti and while waiting for her to respond look at her friend list and see that BreeAnna Cox (the same fitness instructor) is one of her friends. She responded that BreeAnna was the friend she was talking about and told me I should look her up on Instagram. I told her that another friend of mine had just tipped me off to that...and then I sent her the screenshot that I send Chareyl. I asked if she would mind asking BreeAnna if those babies were twins and if she knew anything about them. My cousin did and messaged me right back saying that yes they were twin girls, but that they were already in the process of being adopted.
In the meantime Chareyl responded to my prior email from that day saying that she had "no information on the twin girls" and that it "is difficult to get twins or siblings in the age range that you are requesting". She shut that down fast. It was totally necessary too, but I still felt so drawn to these girls that over the last year I would periodically pull that picture back up on my phone just to look at it and imagine. Little did I know that those little girls who were "already in the process of being adopted" were in fact in the process of being adopted by us!! We just didn't know it yet!...and Chareyl simply could not say anything to us, even though she was already advocating for us to receive a match of those little girls.
Chareyl was the one who had taken that photo I saw a year ago of BreeAnna & her husband holding the girls. After we got our payment request she sent it to me along with 4 other pictures taken from that same day. Noah noticed that they were actually live photos so we could hear the talking going on and Chareyl said in one of them "Sorry, guys...I love you too, but I'm really hoping to get these twins (meaning for us) so I want to get pictures".
It has truly been amusing and humbling to look back in retrospect and see how everything has come together. Not only has God answered our prayers in a big way with the blessing of being matched to these sweet twin sisters...but He has also blessed us with increased faith in Him and reliance in His perfect plan for us. He asked us to stick with this even when it was long, difficult, and taking unexpected paths (changing countries/agencies). He reminded us to turn to Him for comfort. He stretched me until I literally didn't know if I could take it anymore and then made it very apparent to me to correlate faith and prayers with specific, clear testimony building answers to those prayers.
- There is no way you could convince me that it was a coincidence that Chareyl's text (about the judge signing the documents and sending the file to IBESR) would appear right after I followed promptings to reach out to others for prayers and being blessed with such a powerful connected prayer with Him myself.
- There is no way you could convince me that it was a coincidence that I happened to see that picture of the girls flash across a video montage and feel immediately emotionally connected to them...and to then feel drawn back to that picture for a year until finding out those girls were meant to become part of our family.
- There is no way you could convince me that it's a coincidence that after pouring out my heart in prayer for our payment request so we could know if there were 1 or 2 children, that only moments later the Hallelujah chorus would fill my ears and the desire of my hear would be given to me.
- There is no way you could convince me that it was coincidence that the heartbreak we endured with losing $16,000 and 2 years invested in an adoption didn't set the stage for criteria in choosing our next adoption agency differently...and that this wasn't necessary for the right timing and the right person (Chareyl) to be facilitating our adoption to line things up with these 2 precious little souls to be joining our family. It was. I'm absolutely convinced of that.
- There is no way you could convince me that it wasn't necessary for me to relinquish control of choosing one of the most important parameters of our adoption, in order for me to exhibit enough faith to have it actually come to fruition.
- There is no way you could convince me that these two precious little girls, who I have yet to see in person or hold in my arms, are any less meant to be mine than the 3 beautiful boys we've already been blessed with. I love them. And I think my heart recognized them the first time that I saw that picture.
I want to wrap up this post with something that Chareyl wrote to me last year when responding to my email about the twins. It was exactly what I needed to hear:
"Holly, you have been on a long journey and the Lord has guided you. I don't think it is by accident that you ended up at Wasatch as one of my clients. I know that the Lord guided your path, so I believe for sure HE will guide the rest of the process, and I promise you that I will continue to advocate for you until you are matched with a child or children."
One of the things that I remember clearly from my recent phone conversation after finding out about match with twins was Chareyl saying, "Holly the Lord has moved mountains for you to be matched to these girls". I am so grateful. I'm grateful for all the hard work of Chareyl and Nisthone (her rep in Haiti), but most of all for the tender mercies and blessings of a loving Father in Heaven.
I know we have a long journey ahead of us to get these girls home. (Let's start with the official referral so we can go meet them!) So, I hope that I will be able to come back and read this post and feel the spirit that burns with gratitude and faith in my heart right now. I am so grateful. And while I am weak and impatient at times, I do believe that He is orchestrating all of this perfectly and I love Him so much.
"Sometimes when you pray for a miracle...God gives you two."
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