That darn broken dam

I have spent a LOT of time thinking about things this last several days (like, day and night).  While I'm still worried, sad, and processing a lot I also thought I had gotten my emotions a bit better under control.

Nope.

I teach 6 year olds in primary at church and during singing time today I totally lost it.  The kind where the tears won't stop and you better find a kleenex because you nose is starting to run now too.  We hit a series of songs in church that had lyrics that just hit that sensitive spot straight on.  And the dam broke...

First was 'A Child's Prayer': "Heavenly Father, are you really there?  Do you hear and answer every child's prayer?..."

Then it was 'I Am a Child of God': "I am a child of God, and He has sent me here, has given me an earthly home, with parents kind and dear. Lead me, guide me, walk beside me.  Help me find the way.  Teach me all that I must do to live with Him someday...I am a child of God, And so my needs are great; Help me to understand His word before it grows too late..."

Then what tipped me over the edge was singing 'The Family is of God'.  I was afraid I was going to start doing the ugly cry, so I had to actually leave my class and go to the bathroom (get away from the music) and cry it out a bit.  It's a beautiful song, but when you think about it (and the previous two) within the context of the millions of orphaned children in our world that need a family it is just too heartbreaking.  Especially for my raw, tender heart right now.  Part of the lyrics on this third song sing: "He sent each one of us to earth, through birth, to live and love here in fam'lies.  God gave us families to help us become what he wants us to be.  This is how He shares His love, for the family is of God."

It is heart wrenching enough that there are so many children in this world suffering, and so many of them suffering without a home or family...it is almost just too much for me to see it getting harder and harder for people to offer that home and family to them simply due to greed and corruption.  I've said this before - I understand that adoption is not a cure-all for the crisis that so many countries in the world are facing, but for so many children adoption is their only hope for a home and family.  Watching more doors close, including doors that we thought our daughter would come through to our family...it's just heartbreaking.  And so the dam breaks.