We finally decided to tell the boys yesterday that we would no longer be able to bring a baby sister home from Ethiopia. It went about like we thought it would with Lincoln openly expressing how broken his heart was, while Noah who looked wounded was more reserved at first. Of course when I asked Noah how he felt about things he began to cry and then came to me and just hung on me and sobbed for a couple minutes. He doesn't come to me for comfort like that very often (he's so grown up now, you know) and we just wept together. Noah then proceeded to get out things like our Ethiopia picture book under the coffee table and look over it, and ask if we could still keep the Ethiopian doll we'd bought for baby girl. Then without a word he retreated to his room and wrote out his heartache in his journal. He is south a tender, sentimental soul and we knew this would be difficult for him to digest.
We had the opportunity to explain to the boys that even though we don't know yet exactly how things will work out, that our Heavenly Father does and we even touched on some of the bumps in the road we encountered during Noah's adoption journey. While heartbreak is never fun, and the inclination is to shield one's children from it...there is also something beautiful for children to be part of this process with us and watch God as he allows us to be part of something beautiful. In His way. On His timetable. For our children to exhibit faith through prayer with us, and to see that it is ok to grieve and also necessary to submit our will to His.
We've been doing a lot of thinking, talking, researching, and praying. I look forward to seeing what direction we will go next, and I know in the end it will all work out. Just like it was supposed to.