Friday, February 14, 2014

Not looking good

Maybe I'm a pessimist...I like to think I'm a realist, but you know.  Either way I tend to try and prepare myself for the worst case scenario for most things in life.  I know that at times that has helped me when I had my purse, keys and wedding album all ready to grab in case of a fire at night.  What is the likelihood of actually encountering that kind of disaster you may ask?  I don't know, but one fateful night our apartment DID have a fire and I was ready to go in a split second.  We had to duck out past black smoke and flames and were the only ones in our whole apartment building that had time to grab anything.  Plus our car happened to be parked in front of the area the fire truck needed to be able to best fight the fire and because we had keys we were able to move our car. 

Anyway!  That being said, sometimes I do worry too much unnecessarily too.  I recognize that.  I also struggle knowing when the worry is founded and when it's not.  When it comes to this adoption I struggle knowing what is a normal flux within the turbulent unreliable state of international adoptions, and when the writing is on the walls for total heartbreak.  I'm not feeling very optomistic the last couple of days.  Other than just the bomb that our wait has increased to 6 years, here are a few more reasons:

Another agency IAG was just indited on adoption fraud charges.  See info here.  While I'm grateful to have one of these horrible agencies being held accountable, my heart breaks for the children and families caught in the middle of it and also because it is just one more reason for the government in Ethiopia to feel resentful of and cautious of the benefits of international adoption from their country.

I just found out yesterday that CHSFS (another agency) has declared that they are no longer processing any adoptions from Ethiopia, and hear through the rumor mill online today that AAI will be following suit soon too.  I don't know these agency's reasons for stopping adoptions from Ethiopia on their own, but it's not a good sign I don't think.

I feel so sick to my stomach about this.  Sick at the trying to wrap my mind around the need that is there (and in so many places around the world!) for families for these children and the prospect of that need not being filled...and of course I feel sick at even the idea of our little girl not coming home to us from Ethiopia someday.  I know only time will tell and we'll hold on unless we're forced not to, but that realist side of me has really been a downer lately.

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