Confession

Maybe it's because of Mother's Day coming up on Sunday, but I was feeling a little bit justified in buying something that I didn't need, but really wanted.  I'm gonna share, but first let me say this - even though baby girl is still years away from coming home, I feel like the idea of her is already burrowing a space in my heart for her.  As we are only days away from making our first BIG payment for the adoption, it is becoming more real to me that we are really doing this.  It's not a someday in the future anymore, but we're in the process now.  That being said, sometimes it's a little strange when there is nothing tangible to see or feel (not that I miss the HG pregnancy that I had with Max), and there is no birthmother that we are communicating with and developing a bond with.  In fact, at this point baby girl hasn't even been conceived yet.  And yet we are already on our journey to find her. 

So!  Perhaps to celebrate our big step that we're taking this next week or so (notarizing our contracts with and paying our agency), or perhaps just to have something tangible to gaze at which reminds me of baby girl...I bought this beautiful doll:

She is wearing traditional Ethiopian clothing, sandals, beads, etc and a portion of the proceeds from the purchase go to an organization called World Vision that sponsors children's causes, and they have agreed to use those proceeds specifically in Ethiopia.  Perhaps that last part was the tipping point in me deciding to buy this pretty doll, but I just love it.  It arrived today and it felt strangely exciting to just hold the doll and think about things.

Amidst our own excitement for the blessing that our family will be part of, it occurred to me yesterday that even though we don't know if we will have the opportunity to meet any of our daughter's biological family - that their struggles are likely already taking place.  Extreme poverty, disease, tragedy...whatever precedes the relinquishment of our daughter - before our joy will come heartache and devastation on their end. 

And so, Mark and I have decided to start praying for our daughter's family, especially her birthmother.  The process of adopting is such a deeply emotional and personal journey, for each party involved.  So, to explain a religious aspect of it (praying for this mother who will bring our child into the world) is very personal, but at some point we will make this blog public and I'm sure that this won't be the only post that we invite people to join us in praying for baby girl's mother. 

We pray that she will be able to find adequate nourishment during her pregnancy, that she will find emotional support as she carries her baby and makes the difficult decision to relinquish her parental rights or abandon her child (I have an even more difficult time thinking about the alternative of her dying after birth).  We pray that she will feel peace in her heart that her baby will have a home and a family that love her and will care for her.  And we pray that whatever circumstances our baby is in before coming to us, that she will have people that look after her and care for her as well as possible until we can ourselves.

And so a doll isn't exactly big news, but it's all I've got for now.  A doll and prayers.