The day before yesterday was Mother's Day.
I had a nice day. Mark and the boys let me sleep in and made me breakfast. When the smoke alarms went off like they always do when cooking bacon - all 3 boys jumped in bed with me and gave me cuddles and then gave me cards they made. We visited Mark's parents and mine. And Mark made me a delicious dinner of salmon, brown rice/quinoa, green beans and an amazing salad (how lucky am I?). I feel beyond blessed as I think of my own mother and the woman who raised my wonderful husband...and as I looked at the three amazing little people that I've been blessed to have call me Mom.
And yet...there is always that twinge of pain on Mother's Day. For different reasons. Of course there is the part of me that remembers the years that this holiday was so painful as I yearned to become a mother - and my heart goes out to all the many women (and men) in that situation now. I also think of Noah's birthmother who brought him into the world and struggled so deeply with her decision to place him in our family, believing that it was what was best for him but breaking her heart to do it. And then I think of what is going on somewhere in Haiti...
There is a mother who has met some level of intense tragedy. Perhaps it was a fatal one. Perhaps she is unable to care for her young child and has had to make the difficult choice of placing her into an orphanage just for her to survive. My heart aches for this woman that I will likely never know. It hurts to know of the heartache that must inevitably precede the joy this child will bring to us...and I worry about that child. Her tender heart is going through trauma and loss too. Is she being cared for? Is she being fed? Loved? Where is she? How old is she? When will we meet her? And while she isn't mine yet, my mother heart aches for her. To be able to hold her, to know her, to give her a home and family and teach her to rely on the consistency that we'll offer her. For our family to be complete.
The wide range of emotions that I've felt over the last week or two as Mother's Day approached has been all over the map. Overwhelming gratitude. Sadness. Joy. Hope. Heartache. And so I have prayed. More than normal. For those aching to become mothers, for those who have lost children, for those who have lost mothers, for children who desperately need a family, for the women who broke their own heart because it is what was best for their child. And I pray for my heart to find focus on the love and gratitude. And to know that He is in charge and watching over everything.
*I ran across this post from five years ago (from my personal blog that I don't post to any more these days), and wanted to come back and include it here. I didn't even remember writing it and it echoes a lot of what I just said: http://hollyandmark.blogspot.com/2011/06/mothers-day.html