I've had some communication with our adoption worker and neither of those 2 pending referrals are ours. She clarified that IBESR will request our second IBESR fee/match payment just prior to them issuing a referral, so we actually will get a bit of a head's up that a referral is soon. It didn't used to be that way. I think that's a good thing (as long as it isn't forever of me being glued to my phone before the referral actually does come). While I am so anxious to know our daughter's face, I do believe that it will happen when it is supposed to. I will move forward with faith in that.
In much worse news...the death toll in Haiti has surged up to 572 as of this morning. Unfortunately I'm sure that will still rise. Of course I don't want to see loss of life like this anywhere, but this happening in a country that I've come to love so much makes me even that much more sad.
Now if people in our country will just take this hurricane seriously as it heads our way...
Friday, October 7, 2016
Thursday, October 6, 2016
Knock-out cold with a bright spot
I remember back in college that everyone always seemed to get really sick right after finals. Something to do with our bodies' ability to sustain themselves during periods of extreme stress...and then once the stress is relieved it rebounds into a weaker immune response or something. I know, I know - that was super medical and stuff (that's Mark's world, not mine). However! I'm telling you there is something to all of that. It seems like as soon as a majorly stressful event passes in my life I always get sick.
Enter my knock-out cold. The body aches and sore throat are kicking my trash.
With the intense worry surrounding Hurricane Matthew and Haiti...for Haitians in general, but also specifically regarding our child's orphanage and how this will affect us getting her home...I lost sleep and worried myself silly.
Over the last 24-48 hours we've been able to gather more information about the destruction caused by the hurricane. Things were really bad in the south, and while everywhere had some damage...considering what could have happened I feel like we were blessed. Seeing updates (and a photo) from the orphanage sent me to my knees weeping with gratitude. I am not overlooking the long road of repair ahead for Haiti or the many lives lost (count is over 100 now), but compared to the south of the island the Port-au-Prince area was largely spared - for which I am grateful, and I even just got this update from our adoption worker:
"...There will be need for help and rebuilding in the areas of Haiti and other parts of the world that have been hit by the storm, but we are so grateful that more lives were not lost to this storm. I also wanted you to know that as of today all adoption offices in Haiti are open, with the exception of the US embassy, they will re-open next Tuesday. We got a passport for a family just yesterday. One of our families on this email are currently IN Haiti on their socialization visit and they had the social worker interview today, so that is great..."
Hearing this is so encouraging. Words to soothe my sore and tender soul...just like these fabulous herbal cough drops are soothing my sore and hurting throat.
For now...I'll focus on the soothing.
Enter my knock-out cold. The body aches and sore throat are kicking my trash.
With the intense worry surrounding Hurricane Matthew and Haiti...for Haitians in general, but also specifically regarding our child's orphanage and how this will affect us getting her home...I lost sleep and worried myself silly.
Over the last 24-48 hours we've been able to gather more information about the destruction caused by the hurricane. Things were really bad in the south, and while everywhere had some damage...considering what could have happened I feel like we were blessed. Seeing updates (and a photo) from the orphanage sent me to my knees weeping with gratitude. I am not overlooking the long road of repair ahead for Haiti or the many lives lost (count is over 100 now), but compared to the south of the island the Port-au-Prince area was largely spared - for which I am grateful, and I even just got this update from our adoption worker:
"...There will be need for help and rebuilding in the areas of Haiti and other parts of the world that have been hit by the storm, but we are so grateful that more lives were not lost to this storm. I also wanted you to know that as of today all adoption offices in Haiti are open, with the exception of the US embassy, they will re-open next Tuesday. We got a passport for a family just yesterday. One of our families on this email are currently IN Haiti on their socialization visit and they had the social worker interview today, so that is great..."
Hearing this is so encouraging. Words to soothe my sore and tender soul...just like these fabulous herbal cough drops are soothing my sore and hurting throat.
For now...I'll focus on the soothing.
Monday, October 3, 2016
4 years ago today
We all like to recognize significant dates, whether good or bad...right? We celebrate birthdays, wedding anniversaries, and how many years since we graduated from school - along side remembering the day a loved one passed away. There is something hard wired in most of us to need to keep track of and remember landmark events in our lives.
In keeping with this notion...4 years ago today we officially began this adoption journey! Ta-da! Four years ago today we turned in our first initial application to adopt a child internationally. It was after many years of discussing it, and years of deciding on what country and agency. Four years ago we pulled the trigger and made the concrete commitment to pursue this adoption. We felt compelled that our timing was right, and while we knew that nothing was guaranteed with international adoption (or adoption in general for that matter)...I think we were generally optimistic and excited to be officially embarking on this journey. Part of me felt like after the roller coaster we went through bringing Noah into our family that this wouldn't feel quite as difficult. *Insert snicker now in hindsight*
Just over 2 years into our journey our adoption from Ethiopia fell through. (Way more information than anyone wants to know about why that happened can be read in prior posts on this blog) We spent the next 4 weeks thinking, praying, and discussing little else other than how to proceed. Obviously we felt compelled to pursue adoption from Haiti and signed on to adopt through Wasatch International Adoption Agency. At the end of this year we will have been pursuing our adoption from Haiti as long as we did from Ethiopia.
I had ideas of ways to celebrate this 4 year milestone...just out of sheer need to celebrate something while we continue to wait and wait. But it just doesn't feel right. With Hurricane Matthew bearing down on Haiti right now...threatening to devastate this country that I've come to love, and to bring more suffering and loss to a country all too familiar with it. I just can't bring myself to do anything to celebrate us being on a journey to bringing home a child whose little life started out with some series of tragedies that we just don't know yet. How many more children will be thrust into this category today because of this powerful storm? That thought chills me.
I have been following this storm for a week now and have watched in horror as it grew to a hurricane, and then turned to directly hit the country of Haiti. I can't even tell you how much sleep I've lost reading up on the storm, learning more about the devastating effects in could have on Haiti due to it's topography, deforestation, and lack of secure structures due to extreme poverty. If this storm ravages Haiti with its full potential then the effects could be mind bogglingly horrific. I wouldn't want it to happen anywhere on this earth, but it hurts so much more being a country that I love...and knowing that our child is there somewhere vulnerable. That frightens me. I want to be there to protect her, or at least to have someone update me that she is safe and well. That the flash flooding and mudslides that are sure to happen didn't affect her, that she has food and water, that she isn't alone.
I worry also about the Haitian Roots Academy that I've grown to feel passionately about...and more importantly about the students and their families that attend the school. Is our little Nelie that we sponsor at the school ok?
I was grateful that I was able to reach out to Chareyl yesterday and she reassured me that the orphanages all are made of concrete and cinderblock that survived the earthquake, so they should hopefully be able to weather this storm well. She also informed me that the orphanages stock up on food at the beginning of each month, so they should be well stocked should they have to shelter in place for any significant amount of time. This did help reassure me, but I am still just so worried at all of the unknown variables. I think anyone with a loved one in Haiti is worried right now.
So, with so much worry and potential loss at the forefront of my mind - we're not celebrating the fact the we started this journey 4 years ago today. All that does is remind me...while our daughter joining our family will certainly be beautiful and joyous for us...that before that can all happen, tragedy had to strike her first family. It may not have been because of a hurricane, but it has struck her nonetheless. That pains me. That for us to experience the joy of her joining our family that she and her first family have to hurt so much first. That adoption, while beautiful, is born out of loss.
I'm sorry this post is full of so much worry, so much angst. I guess I feel like if I can dump it here that it helps me somehow purge some of those things.
In the meantime, I will continue to pray for Haiti. Please join me! For preservation of life and property. That those who were advised to evacuate heeded the warnings and had the ability to move to safer ground. That somehow the flooding will be less treacherous than it could have been. And that especially those most vulnerable will be watched after and protected.
In keeping with this notion...4 years ago today we officially began this adoption journey! Ta-da! Four years ago today we turned in our first initial application to adopt a child internationally. It was after many years of discussing it, and years of deciding on what country and agency. Four years ago we pulled the trigger and made the concrete commitment to pursue this adoption. We felt compelled that our timing was right, and while we knew that nothing was guaranteed with international adoption (or adoption in general for that matter)...I think we were generally optimistic and excited to be officially embarking on this journey. Part of me felt like after the roller coaster we went through bringing Noah into our family that this wouldn't feel quite as difficult. *Insert snicker now in hindsight*
Just over 2 years into our journey our adoption from Ethiopia fell through. (Way more information than anyone wants to know about why that happened can be read in prior posts on this blog) We spent the next 4 weeks thinking, praying, and discussing little else other than how to proceed. Obviously we felt compelled to pursue adoption from Haiti and signed on to adopt through Wasatch International Adoption Agency. At the end of this year we will have been pursuing our adoption from Haiti as long as we did from Ethiopia.
I had ideas of ways to celebrate this 4 year milestone...just out of sheer need to celebrate something while we continue to wait and wait. But it just doesn't feel right. With Hurricane Matthew bearing down on Haiti right now...threatening to devastate this country that I've come to love, and to bring more suffering and loss to a country all too familiar with it. I just can't bring myself to do anything to celebrate us being on a journey to bringing home a child whose little life started out with some series of tragedies that we just don't know yet. How many more children will be thrust into this category today because of this powerful storm? That thought chills me.
I have been following this storm for a week now and have watched in horror as it grew to a hurricane, and then turned to directly hit the country of Haiti. I can't even tell you how much sleep I've lost reading up on the storm, learning more about the devastating effects in could have on Haiti due to it's topography, deforestation, and lack of secure structures due to extreme poverty. If this storm ravages Haiti with its full potential then the effects could be mind bogglingly horrific. I wouldn't want it to happen anywhere on this earth, but it hurts so much more being a country that I love...and knowing that our child is there somewhere vulnerable. That frightens me. I want to be there to protect her, or at least to have someone update me that she is safe and well. That the flash flooding and mudslides that are sure to happen didn't affect her, that she has food and water, that she isn't alone.
I worry also about the Haitian Roots Academy that I've grown to feel passionately about...and more importantly about the students and their families that attend the school. Is our little Nelie that we sponsor at the school ok?
I was grateful that I was able to reach out to Chareyl yesterday and she reassured me that the orphanages all are made of concrete and cinderblock that survived the earthquake, so they should hopefully be able to weather this storm well. She also informed me that the orphanages stock up on food at the beginning of each month, so they should be well stocked should they have to shelter in place for any significant amount of time. This did help reassure me, but I am still just so worried at all of the unknown variables. I think anyone with a loved one in Haiti is worried right now.
So, with so much worry and potential loss at the forefront of my mind - we're not celebrating the fact the we started this journey 4 years ago today. All that does is remind me...while our daughter joining our family will certainly be beautiful and joyous for us...that before that can all happen, tragedy had to strike her first family. It may not have been because of a hurricane, but it has struck her nonetheless. That pains me. That for us to experience the joy of her joining our family that she and her first family have to hurt so much first. That adoption, while beautiful, is born out of loss.
I'm sorry this post is full of so much worry, so much angst. I guess I feel like if I can dump it here that it helps me somehow purge some of those things.
In the meantime, I will continue to pray for Haiti. Please join me! For preservation of life and property. That those who were advised to evacuate heeded the warnings and had the ability to move to safer ground. That somehow the flooding will be less treacherous than it could have been. And that especially those most vulnerable will be watched after and protected.
Friday, September 30, 2016
*Worries *Theme song *Reality check
My worry:
So last Friday I saw our adoption worker Chareyl post a petition on her Facebook page and on our agency's page with the tag line, "Sign this petition and help us save adoptions!!"
Petition link here: http://saveadoptions.org
I'll admit that my first reaction was (very selfishly) - "Oh no...not again".
Of course I believe that all children deserve a home and family and I would never want anything to hinder that possibility for all children that are in need of those things...but first I selfishly worried about our family, about our child.
When you hear an ambulance siren or a report of a horrible car accident do you mentally take inventory of those closest to you? Of course you don't want anyone's family member to have been in a tragic accident, but it's natural to think first about preservation of your family and loved ones. And so it was with me. We've been actively pursuing this adoption for nearly 4 years now. A little over 2 years into the process our adoption from Ethiopia fell through. It was difficult and painful, however after a quick but intense 4 weeks we applied to continue our adoption journey in Haiti. We knew it was right. I may have had worries at first that my heart wouldn't be "in" things like it ever was with Ethiopia...the same way that I once worried that I wouldn't be able to love the child growing in my belly as much as our first child that we went through so much to bring into our family through adoption before him. Of course I love him as much, and of course we feel every bit as committed to adopting a child from Haiti as we did from Ethiopia.
I may not have met our little girl yet, but I have thoroughly fallen in love with her country of birth. I feel like when you adopt from another country that you don't just adopt one of it's children...but also the country itself, along with it's culture/language/traditions/struggles. I feel invested in Haiti and the child that she will give us through whatever form of loss and tragedy she's gone through to come into our family. I think of her daily and we all pray for her every night. My heart misses this child that I haven't even met yet, and the idea of something threatening our adoption again made my heart skip a beat and sink in my chest.
There are still a lot of unknowns regarding the proposed regulations, but I do know that they come from the department of state. While I do support regulations that increase standards of ethics and protect children, many of these reach so far beyond this that they actually backfire and hurt the children they are supposedly designed to protect. The regulations are not only over-reaching, but lack funding both on the U.S. side and particularly unreasonably for the country of origin. For example, if the U.S. wants to designate that orphanages can't receive funding from agencies (paid by adoptive parents) to provide for the child in their care until the adoption is complete...and their country's government isn't able or willing to provide that funding then the options are either that the child's standard of care will suffer staggeringly, the orphanage will have to find other (likely unethical ways) of supporting themselves, or that the orphanage will be forced to close. None of these options help the children in their care!
They are also proposing that all internationally adopting families participate in 20 hours of foster care certification in addition to the 10 hours of parent training already required. I'm all about gathering information and being prepared as an adoptive parent, but many of the issues internationally adopted children face are different from those in foster care in our country. There isn't funding for this training, and those providing the training aren't educated in the specific differences of children being adopted internationally.
I could go on. Here's a link to the proposal as it stands now: https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2016/09/08/2016-20968/intercountry-adoptions
Another source:
http://www.regulations.gov/document?D=DOS-2016-0056-0001
So, basically my nerves have been a little raw waiting to see how this unfolds. I signed a petition voicing concern, and I know there are people and organizations working to see that these regulations don't pass as they are written now...but it's just a worry.
Now on to my theme song!
I have two or three songs that have seemed to really resonate with me during our adoption process over the last several years. One of which is "I Will Wait" by Mumford & Sons. When I hear the chorus to that song it's like my heart is scream-singing along trying to make itself heard clear in Haiti by a little girl there that we are waiting to know and hold. I can't hear that song and not feel something. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I feel emboldened, sometimes I feel energized, and sometimes I just want to pull a blanket up around me and listen to the song on repeat.
Anyway! I had the opportunity to see Mumford & Sons in concert on Monday! They put on a fantastic show and I loved it. What song do you think they performed in their encore? Yup. "I Will Wait". The song was released the year we began this journey and would have resonated with me at any given time during this process...it certainly did that night.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGKfrgqWcv0
Lastly, my reality check:
Yesterday my friend Jaimi's family brought their sweet daughter home from Haiti. I found out who she and Ryan were because Mark's parents are friends with Ryan's parents. We connected online and they invited us to their online album where we got to see photos of their trip meeting their daughter for the first time while they were there! Then I met her for the first time at a yard sale fundraiser for Haitian Roots in June 2015, but really got to know her during our time working closely together during the Haitian Roots gala. My heart ached for her during delays with their paper process and with how long it took them to get their little girl home. We prayed and fasted for that little girl to come home and it was so, so fantastic to see their family all together at the airport.
We were grateful to be invited to be part of their homecoming and our whole family attended to offer them our support and excitement and also to try and show the boys what this will be like someday. To make things less abstract for them. Noah was pretty into the whole thing and the other two...well they were a bit distracted, I leave it there (insert story about Lincoln & Max fighting and then Max getting lectured by a police officer). However! It was so wonderful to see Jaimi with Jo on her hip, and how she kept wrapping her arms around Jaimi's neck and resting her head in the crook of her neck. Beautiful.
While I was genuinely elated for our friends to have their little girl home (especially ahead of an incoming storm that could develop into something troubling for Haiti)...I was surprised by the mix of emotions in my own heart. They were somehow familiar even though this was my first time at an airport homecoming of this type. Then I realized what it was...it was that feeling that I had during all the years we ached to become parents when we were happy for those we loved to bring children into the world. It's how I felt at baby showers, when people announced their pregnancies, or brought their new babies to church for the first time. I was genuinely excited for them and happy, I really was...but it also came with it's own sting of yearning to join them. I know I am blessed with three wonderful little boys, and that is not lost on me...but I also have another child out there that we are STILL waiting on to complete our family. A child that I worry about and that we have yet to even meet...and that was the reality check. We are still so far away from her being home. And that hurt.
So last Friday I saw our adoption worker Chareyl post a petition on her Facebook page and on our agency's page with the tag line, "Sign this petition and help us save adoptions!!"
Petition link here: http://saveadoptions.org
I'll admit that my first reaction was (very selfishly) - "Oh no...not again".
Of course I believe that all children deserve a home and family and I would never want anything to hinder that possibility for all children that are in need of those things...but first I selfishly worried about our family, about our child.
When you hear an ambulance siren or a report of a horrible car accident do you mentally take inventory of those closest to you? Of course you don't want anyone's family member to have been in a tragic accident, but it's natural to think first about preservation of your family and loved ones. And so it was with me. We've been actively pursuing this adoption for nearly 4 years now. A little over 2 years into the process our adoption from Ethiopia fell through. It was difficult and painful, however after a quick but intense 4 weeks we applied to continue our adoption journey in Haiti. We knew it was right. I may have had worries at first that my heart wouldn't be "in" things like it ever was with Ethiopia...the same way that I once worried that I wouldn't be able to love the child growing in my belly as much as our first child that we went through so much to bring into our family through adoption before him. Of course I love him as much, and of course we feel every bit as committed to adopting a child from Haiti as we did from Ethiopia.
I may not have met our little girl yet, but I have thoroughly fallen in love with her country of birth. I feel like when you adopt from another country that you don't just adopt one of it's children...but also the country itself, along with it's culture/language/traditions/struggles. I feel invested in Haiti and the child that she will give us through whatever form of loss and tragedy she's gone through to come into our family. I think of her daily and we all pray for her every night. My heart misses this child that I haven't even met yet, and the idea of something threatening our adoption again made my heart skip a beat and sink in my chest.
There are still a lot of unknowns regarding the proposed regulations, but I do know that they come from the department of state. While I do support regulations that increase standards of ethics and protect children, many of these reach so far beyond this that they actually backfire and hurt the children they are supposedly designed to protect. The regulations are not only over-reaching, but lack funding both on the U.S. side and particularly unreasonably for the country of origin. For example, if the U.S. wants to designate that orphanages can't receive funding from agencies (paid by adoptive parents) to provide for the child in their care until the adoption is complete...and their country's government isn't able or willing to provide that funding then the options are either that the child's standard of care will suffer staggeringly, the orphanage will have to find other (likely unethical ways) of supporting themselves, or that the orphanage will be forced to close. None of these options help the children in their care!
They are also proposing that all internationally adopting families participate in 20 hours of foster care certification in addition to the 10 hours of parent training already required. I'm all about gathering information and being prepared as an adoptive parent, but many of the issues internationally adopted children face are different from those in foster care in our country. There isn't funding for this training, and those providing the training aren't educated in the specific differences of children being adopted internationally.
I could go on. Here's a link to the proposal as it stands now: https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2016/09/08/2016-20968/intercountry-adoptions
Another source:
http://www.regulations.gov/document?D=DOS-2016-0056-0001
So, basically my nerves have been a little raw waiting to see how this unfolds. I signed a petition voicing concern, and I know there are people and organizations working to see that these regulations don't pass as they are written now...but it's just a worry.
Now on to my theme song!
I have two or three songs that have seemed to really resonate with me during our adoption process over the last several years. One of which is "I Will Wait" by Mumford & Sons. When I hear the chorus to that song it's like my heart is scream-singing along trying to make itself heard clear in Haiti by a little girl there that we are waiting to know and hold. I can't hear that song and not feel something. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I feel emboldened, sometimes I feel energized, and sometimes I just want to pull a blanket up around me and listen to the song on repeat.
Anyway! I had the opportunity to see Mumford & Sons in concert on Monday! They put on a fantastic show and I loved it. What song do you think they performed in their encore? Yup. "I Will Wait". The song was released the year we began this journey and would have resonated with me at any given time during this process...it certainly did that night.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGKfrgqWcv0
Lastly, my reality check:
Yesterday my friend Jaimi's family brought their sweet daughter home from Haiti. I found out who she and Ryan were because Mark's parents are friends with Ryan's parents. We connected online and they invited us to their online album where we got to see photos of their trip meeting their daughter for the first time while they were there! Then I met her for the first time at a yard sale fundraiser for Haitian Roots in June 2015, but really got to know her during our time working closely together during the Haitian Roots gala. My heart ached for her during delays with their paper process and with how long it took them to get their little girl home. We prayed and fasted for that little girl to come home and it was so, so fantastic to see their family all together at the airport.
We were grateful to be invited to be part of their homecoming and our whole family attended to offer them our support and excitement and also to try and show the boys what this will be like someday. To make things less abstract for them. Noah was pretty into the whole thing and the other two...well they were a bit distracted, I leave it there (insert story about Lincoln & Max fighting and then Max getting lectured by a police officer). However! It was so wonderful to see Jaimi with Jo on her hip, and how she kept wrapping her arms around Jaimi's neck and resting her head in the crook of her neck. Beautiful.
While I was genuinely elated for our friends to have their little girl home (especially ahead of an incoming storm that could develop into something troubling for Haiti)...I was surprised by the mix of emotions in my own heart. They were somehow familiar even though this was my first time at an airport homecoming of this type. Then I realized what it was...it was that feeling that I had during all the years we ached to become parents when we were happy for those we loved to bring children into the world. It's how I felt at baby showers, when people announced their pregnancies, or brought their new babies to church for the first time. I was genuinely excited for them and happy, I really was...but it also came with it's own sting of yearning to join them. I know I am blessed with three wonderful little boys, and that is not lost on me...but I also have another child out there that we are STILL waiting on to complete our family. A child that I worry about and that we have yet to even meet...and that was the reality check. We are still so far away from her being home. And that hurt.
Monday, August 8, 2016
I800a approval (again)!
Our I800a update approval came in the mail today! Woot woot! I already scanned a copy to Chareyl who will send it to her rep in Haiti...who will take a copy in to update our file at IBESR. In my daydreams that document is added to our file just before our file is up for final referral signature, and we get our referral in no time. Do I realize this isn't exactly realistic - yes...but let a girl dream! Sheesh!
Either way it's always nice to have something concrete happen (anything really) that is one step closer to meeting our little girl.
Also! I was re-reading some of our agency provided parent education material last night. One line resonated with me...it says, "That wait (referring to the wait during an international adoption process, but could apply to anything in life that requires an extensive amount of waiting)...makes us strong and weak at the same time. The weakness comes from feelings of uncertainty and lack of control, which is especially difficult for those of us who cope by taking charge of a situation...the strength comes from learning to trust ourselves and others, learning to have faith that something so abstract now will be concrete someday..."
Um. Yes. That.
Either way it's always nice to have something concrete happen (anything really) that is one step closer to meeting our little girl.
Also! I was re-reading some of our agency provided parent education material last night. One line resonated with me...it says, "That wait (referring to the wait during an international adoption process, but could apply to anything in life that requires an extensive amount of waiting)...makes us strong and weak at the same time. The weakness comes from feelings of uncertainty and lack of control, which is especially difficult for those of us who cope by taking charge of a situation...the strength comes from learning to trust ourselves and others, learning to have faith that something so abstract now will be concrete someday..."
Um. Yes. That.
Thursday, August 4, 2016
A phone call, an email, and a bedroom purchase!
First of all it's been almost 2 months since we sent everything in to apply for our I800a update. I called last week and spoke to the officer in charge of our file and she said that they had been hoping to "refresh" our fingerprints so we wouldn't have to have them done but since it was taking so long (for us and 5 other families with files on her desk) that she was just going to go ahead and request new fingerprinting appointments for us. Grrr.
Well! At 7:37 this morning USCIS called me to let me know that even thought they generated an appointment for us that we can disregard it because our fingerprint refresh came through and that our approval will be processed today! Woot woot! Now, driving to Salt Lake to get our fingerprints re-done isn't a huge thing, but I'll take a pass at anything in the process when it's given to us!! Besides, that is a half day of patients that Mark won't have to reschedule and miss once we'd gotten our assigned appointment time. So we're happy about that.
I emailed Chareyl to let her know about that just in case a possible referral was pending for us that she'd know that things are almost wrapped up with USCIS. She instructed me to scan over a copy of the approval once we get it so she can send it to her rep in Haiti to take in to IBESR. I'm crossing my fingers that when that happens that we may get some sort of update on our file (however vague that may be). She did say that she has been trying to follow up on the I800a files of hers and that she hasn't gotten any specific information at this point, but that she was told that "there are some files waiting for SOME of my families". I'm hopeful that one of those files may be our daughter...
This month our file has been waiting at IBESR for a referral for a year. We started the Haitian adoption process 20 months ago (almost exactly 1 month after our prior adoption agency closed their program). And we are 2 months shy of having started this entire adoption process FOUR years ago (our first adoption application was submitted 10/3/12 for an Ethiopian adoption). I know we still have a lot of the process to go before we bring our daughter home, but I am hopeful to at least know her face soon. To know what little I can about our little girl before we can meet her and hold her.
And so! To landmark our little victory in skipping fingerprinting (ok, ok...more just because I really wanted to buy it) - I bought a rug for her room! I saw this rug and knew I would regret not getting it. I've waited a long time for a little girl and may go a little crazy with things floral, pink, ruffly, and just girly in general. I know I want her room to be kind of outdoor-chic. So, I want it to have some outdoor elements like birds and fauna, but I also want a little chandelier light fixture. We will have to work on how to blend all of that. I have fabric that I bought 6 years ago to make a quilt for my daughter someday that has a lot of the colors I want to use and many of them were in this rug. So I had to get it! Besides it was 70% off + an additional 10% off for signing up on the site with my email + free shipping so how could I not, right??
Here it is:
Well! At 7:37 this morning USCIS called me to let me know that even thought they generated an appointment for us that we can disregard it because our fingerprint refresh came through and that our approval will be processed today! Woot woot! Now, driving to Salt Lake to get our fingerprints re-done isn't a huge thing, but I'll take a pass at anything in the process when it's given to us!! Besides, that is a half day of patients that Mark won't have to reschedule and miss once we'd gotten our assigned appointment time. So we're happy about that.
I emailed Chareyl to let her know about that just in case a possible referral was pending for us that she'd know that things are almost wrapped up with USCIS. She instructed me to scan over a copy of the approval once we get it so she can send it to her rep in Haiti to take in to IBESR. I'm crossing my fingers that when that happens that we may get some sort of update on our file (however vague that may be). She did say that she has been trying to follow up on the I800a files of hers and that she hasn't gotten any specific information at this point, but that she was told that "there are some files waiting for SOME of my families". I'm hopeful that one of those files may be our daughter...
This month our file has been waiting at IBESR for a referral for a year. We started the Haitian adoption process 20 months ago (almost exactly 1 month after our prior adoption agency closed their program). And we are 2 months shy of having started this entire adoption process FOUR years ago (our first adoption application was submitted 10/3/12 for an Ethiopian adoption). I know we still have a lot of the process to go before we bring our daughter home, but I am hopeful to at least know her face soon. To know what little I can about our little girl before we can meet her and hold her.
And so! To landmark our little victory in skipping fingerprinting (ok, ok...more just because I really wanted to buy it) - I bought a rug for her room! I saw this rug and knew I would regret not getting it. I've waited a long time for a little girl and may go a little crazy with things floral, pink, ruffly, and just girly in general. I know I want her room to be kind of outdoor-chic. So, I want it to have some outdoor elements like birds and fauna, but I also want a little chandelier light fixture. We will have to work on how to blend all of that. I have fabric that I bought 6 years ago to make a quilt for my daughter someday that has a lot of the colors I want to use and many of them were in this rug. So I had to get it! Besides it was 70% off + an additional 10% off for signing up on the site with my email + free shipping so how could I not, right??
Here it is:
The coloring in this photo doesn't do it justice. I wish I could've figured out how to download one of the pictures of it actually in a room with natural light. I just LOVE it. I can't wait to be sitting on the floor with my little girl on it someday...
Saturday, June 11, 2016
Pregnancy dreams
I remember being pregnant and having crazy, intensely emotional dreams. They felt especially real.
{No, I'm not pregnant} If I use the term sometimes circulated in the adoption community I'm "paper pregnant" though. Meaning our papers are done and we're just waiting for our baby. So! Can being paper pregnant cause those kind of dreams too? Because I had one last night. The second one in the last month or so.
I dreamt that I met our little girl last night. It felt really real. Like I can still feel her tiny arms around my neck when I picked her up. The overwhelming feeling of joy to meet her, to know who she is. To love a child I just met. (I've experienced that feeling 3 other times before. Once in an office and two other times in a hospital.) While I held her my heart ached with happiness and tears wetted my face. I wanted to learn everything about her and memorize every detail of what she looked like. I didn't want to let her go...
And then I woke up.
It felt so sudden, as if someone ripped her away from me. I sat straight up in bed and the tears in my dream were really wet on my face. My heart hurt as if I had lost the little girl I had finally just met. The little girl we've waited so long for.
I did finally go back to sleep. I think I was hoping that I would find my way back to that beautiful happy place with her, but I didn't. Instead nightmares of loss found me. Just like happened the last time I dreamt about her and then went back to sleep. As if when I go back to sleep I can't reconcile the loss my heart is feeling upon waking up.
And now I have a rainy day to match my mood. As if the sky is crying with my heart. Luckily I know the sun will be shining by tomorrow.
I do wonder if when we really do meet her if I'll be afraid to close my eyes and go to sleep that night for fear that I will wake up and find it to be a dream.
**The night that I posted this entry I put Max to bed and sang to him as usual, but verse 2 to 'You are My Sunshine' really struck a chord:
"The other night dear, when I was sleeping...I dreamt I held you in my arms. When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken. So, I hung my head down and cried."
{No, I'm not pregnant} If I use the term sometimes circulated in the adoption community I'm "paper pregnant" though. Meaning our papers are done and we're just waiting for our baby. So! Can being paper pregnant cause those kind of dreams too? Because I had one last night. The second one in the last month or so.
I dreamt that I met our little girl last night. It felt really real. Like I can still feel her tiny arms around my neck when I picked her up. The overwhelming feeling of joy to meet her, to know who she is. To love a child I just met. (I've experienced that feeling 3 other times before. Once in an office and two other times in a hospital.) While I held her my heart ached with happiness and tears wetted my face. I wanted to learn everything about her and memorize every detail of what she looked like. I didn't want to let her go...
And then I woke up.
It felt so sudden, as if someone ripped her away from me. I sat straight up in bed and the tears in my dream were really wet on my face. My heart hurt as if I had lost the little girl I had finally just met. The little girl we've waited so long for.
I did finally go back to sleep. I think I was hoping that I would find my way back to that beautiful happy place with her, but I didn't. Instead nightmares of loss found me. Just like happened the last time I dreamt about her and then went back to sleep. As if when I go back to sleep I can't reconcile the loss my heart is feeling upon waking up.
And now I have a rainy day to match my mood. As if the sky is crying with my heart. Luckily I know the sun will be shining by tomorrow.
I do wonder if when we really do meet her if I'll be afraid to close my eyes and go to sleep that night for fear that I will wake up and find it to be a dream.
**The night that I posted this entry I put Max to bed and sang to him as usual, but verse 2 to 'You are My Sunshine' really struck a chord:
"The other night dear, when I was sleeping...I dreamt I held you in my arms. When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken. So, I hung my head down and cried."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)